The Reluctant Spy Talks

I wrote my peace about this on facebook.   Why am I in here then....  because there here what does it matter.  The words you all know, the person so many think they know..  I did another enemy check today, just to feel the intensity of it.... I will not let this stop me from going on my way for sure.  Nothing they can do will stop me from trying, nothing in past....   well, I do not want excessive violence, or any of that.  I want paths to peace followed not chaos not a fight. What this pandemic does to the movements afloat, including all the union strikes, etc...  is this figured in....  even if this is, it has to be used to move words into minds, which where the real protest has to start.

I did not know how to lead you, nor would I ever presume to be the person who should do so, Mexico...  that is for the people there to decide.  I cannot know their ways, merely respect them as much as possible, and celebrate them, without trying to incorporate them as my own. I would never have embarrassed you like I did had I known that the people in my tv were not all there just to torture me.  By the time I was left broke in a roach filled tiny apartment and felt ignored by the world, the guy with the diminished expectations in real life, fell back into the dream of the day to day when I should have been at the front, issuing orders.  I did not know the popularity I was experiencing in some arenas would ever interconnect with my life. Mostly, I was angry in the end at everyone who kept me in the dark...  and how fucking right I was, because in the light I could see the atrocities around me, and do my best to stop them.  The degradation of society its...

I believe I need to again address the criminal aspects of my life.  I came out trying to forgive everyone, and had no idea who was friend or foe or why, but I wanted everyone to be my friend... frankly, and that was a mistake. I can't help it.   The gangster kingdom built up around me was destroyed by me, not you...  I did not create that.  I was coy about what I knew when I thought I was fighting some monolith that would not even show it's face.... and when it did, I never asked....  maybe that is where my fears came in.  AT THE TIME... Anyways, he acts in the song like I cannot explain this.... well, I did.  You think I was in control, and if I was you hid it all too damn well, which I think was more just using me.   I mean if you can make a racist out of me you can make anything out of me, and then what you think means nothing to me, the deep inside me.   I do examine criticism, get my feelings hurt, so what...  life would do that...