The Reluctant Spy Talks

My LAST reply EVER for those with a cowardly disbelief of my life in the world of THE INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES AND THE ELITE.... for the last ten years, when despite being told to write nothing except children's books by the CIA, I wrote four books and rose in the ranks of those who fought them once. I am in chronic pain, and have been over twenty five years, and ALWAYS saw a psychiatrist because of that, and I saw her all during this, and after, and NEVER was there any suggestion of my being mentally ill, beyond depression and anxiety, the depression is a reaction the brain has to pain, and I barely take any... very low dose. The anxiety.... well, after what I have been thru, if you were not effected, you are officially psychotic, which if I was I would be a millionaire movie maker right now, instead of shunned by the arts community for crimes I didn't do... sigh. I do not want any of those things now that I know the price you pay. I will die with my ...

They are difficult to get to.   You can find them.  I found a year missing from one of them I recently examined.  Strange being me.  Feeling like I am always at war, because I am.  I came across the thought today of something I ignorantly said long ago, I WIN JUST BY BEING ALIVE... I had no idea what had happened to my people.  The CIA who I mistakenly believed Bush was firing were good guys, so he was getting rid of them... I did not mean to swing right wing, though in the end this added to my self preservation  I suppose.  The origins of the first revolution  I was in I hesitate to write about too much, though the Jesuits, who I must express some gratitude to and my anguished thoughts of what happened...  I would have been a different person, could I have been, and as I am.  I needed time, and truth, not lies, deceptions, and being kept out of the loop. I am nothing like I and others portrayed me to be.  The only t...

I was such a mental coward until  I was forced to fight.  When the intelligence I write about becomes bloody, blood was shed.  When I speak of mourning for the lost, who are buried in unmarked graves, etc...  the innocent protesters, the religious people that were used, the way the military was used, the way this system people believe in is one big fiction.   Sounding crazy goes with the territory, of exposing the dark side of the government, because it is a an abyss so black that you have to see it for yourself to believe it exists... practically. I understand the skepticism intellectually though emotionally it pisses me off.  My family, some involved in this business and some not...  one who seems like he has been kept in the dark... like I was for many years about my mother's affiliations, refuses to believe my life.  What do you do with someone who you tell what happened to you and they say, NO, THAT DID NOT HAPPEN.   It is not like...