I DIED TODAY
no one seemed to notice
my body continued
throughout my day
unhindered
I have been given a great responsibility, which for reason of my allegiance is required by the struggle. Now they call us fallen angels, and I am satanic for all I know. Or simply a conduit to the efforts to being about a new way of living, based not on winner take all, move to mountains, and let the valley starve...
This way is forbidden and humans have broke this law. I write every day I believe just to attempt to not be viewed as a monster. The Batman connection to my story, and how they used the films as propaganda, I guess... and now this metropolis, because batman, the knight, who is a billionaire, represents their class.... total lie, they could give a shit about people. They made me the joker back with poor heath ledger, who Nicholson warned not to take the role... and he wound up dead. Serioys business when a group was using violence to prop up a dream, that I was giving orders with my actions, when I did not even know you were there.
The sin of keeping me in the dark makes rancid many souls and still, to this day, you make the mistake, my elite friends, of forgetting that I am here to save you as well. I did not want the sort of blood shed that came about. I could go on and on about how little I knew... and I could not let you know, had to be mysterious, because I was afraid of this world that appeared on my television, this race, this HEART ATTACK business.... I hear David Letterman's voice over and over WHAT ABOUT ME … WHEN I heard they were going to heart attack Mandela, and I did not want it... before I had no idea these were attacks associated with me. To my horror others died over conflicts I took to be matters of word.
When you finally let me through the looking glass there was nothing to do except try to clean up the carnage... You acted like I thought lives had a price when I said give money to the families of the blacks you murdered... I had no idea these people were being killed, and stopped it as soon as I found out. I would never had said or done so many things if you had simply told me what you were doing. Even when you did, it seemed ridiculous to me. Why the emphasis on race, why such hatred... I could not understand why it was so important to people that I said I was white,, and sided with the white race. I could not understand why you were fighting at all, unless it was to divide a conquer a real threat.
I remember over and over the scenes from dr who where I got a glimpse into what was happeing, the attack on England which I never thought you would do... and the seven, seven, seven amount used to dump radioactivity from Japan tells me my angry joking mean comment about nuking Japan was taken seriously.
I do not believe our armies or navy should be concerned with other countries at this time, I think they should be taking back control of the USA, from a coup. The armed forces will do it, or citizens will do it, either way it will get messy.
I am horrified by what happened. Cannibalism among people living underground was on a tv show last night, and I thought of the tales they told me, in simpsons episodes and all over the place. The small messages only the initiated would get, I thought. I underestimated my fame totally, and still do.
I cannot stand constantly being shaped by your lies. my story is not yours to steal and rewrite and put a spin on, hiding what really happened.
gotham had the joker not wanting power or money, just chaos.... first they had him say he fought for the common people, and they were coming after the blue bloods..... and young batbut, looked off thoughtfully and said there must be some good people somewhere.
My gal just buzzed through it but I quit watching when I saw they were using the show to twist a tale of what happened, because they called me the joker at first, until I found out, and they changed my face. I ended up superman, which is why the batman versus superman came out. Because I saved the government for good or bad. I fear this decision cost the revolution, but I did not know who to trust, and am glad that certain people did not get control. Anyone sane who was involved in this knows.
I was horrified to hear you studied me... I remember saying bring people to meet me in groups if they wished and they came and I was puzzled....
I KEEP seeing the hurt filled, disgusted in a way, look a young man gave me, on a day when everyone at the sacred beach was dressed in black. I am not sure, but I think they thought I wanted them to kill themselves because of an atrocious joke I made... I do not know where God and Science are involved in all of this. WHY was only certain things taken up... like sports, when I also said tv and music... I hoped to stop everything and revolt.
I did not expect to be steered by spies all around me. I could not take stolen money, I am not involved with a criminal family. They told you as much, and I now understand better their role in how the sausage gets made in this country I remember Jerry Seinfeld, and his trusted buddies all helped me from the start, and I got pissed because a shop keeper ripped me off for ten bucks. Saying I was ripped off for a lot more. The brainwashing had me scrambled as hell during that period, I could not think straight most of the time. I would have done everything different if they had not tried to push their morality on me, thinking there was a vacuum inside me, when indeed I had a very strong morality, only at that moment, I did not believe in God.... and was very angry to feel so alone in the universe.
God had been a huge part of my life because of aa since I was eighteen. I remember though, going into a university after taking some time off, and walking in thinking, THEY WILL STRIP ME OF MY RELIGION... which happened to me at the University of Toledo, as well, and Depaul… sadly. Most of my education was very secular, and I went with it...
Though in aa I had a very personal sense of God and talked to him, and thought he did things... hard to explain, like he would reward me at times for my good acts... and I was always trying to do them, though my drunken lying self was untrustworthy.....
I think of all the lies I told in my life. Now I have no ore lies. This burned them away. Life is too real and dangerous without fiction. I was filmed telling my stupid macho lies, God.... oddly I feel all this was good for my soul. I hated lying and prayed about it all my life... but, well... I do not know what all they did to my head.
the t
I never apologize enough, though I should for the day on the lakeshore I did that fake ceremony.... like I was going to do something, and a woman told me they were screaming, and an alarm went off and... God, you had no idea how I had just been treated in the hospital, and I lumped all of you together.... I was going thru hell not getting enough medication, losing my fucking emotional stability and anytime I mentioned what was really going on, suddenly I was scizo… I get this. I was not myself.
I now refuse to stop trying to help. I have one group at least that believes in me, and they honor me with their interest. I will never forget the day a Chinese woman appeared on tv and seemed to address me, as she cried and said she did not know how anyone could hate Chinese culture. I do not know how the hell that statement became associated with me, but I replied of course that I love their culture, and to hate a culture … it made no sense.. I said this much more eloquently. She was on tv on the feed with a viola, I think, the huge ones... and she started playing wonderfully. I think mary ann was trying to get me to go some where, she who always ignored what was happeneing…. who even when I figured out all the people were watching acted just as she had.
Now I love mary ann and we are together, but it is a business relationship with her first and foremost, to the point that there is no sex anymore. I take all theses narcotics for the back, closing off my sexual urges. I would love the feeling of closeness, bonding, love that comes from making love, though I have more important business on this planet than my own pleasure. I went crazy when I first learned all this and wanted to leave mary ann and start a new life... God, it was so stupid. I projected so much onto her. Blamed her weight, which hardly was heavier than Barbara was at some points and I still totally wanted her, for the effect of narcotics and her constant arguing
\\
.
my body continued
throughout my day
unhindered
I have been given a great responsibility, which for reason of my allegiance is required by the struggle. Now they call us fallen angels, and I am satanic for all I know. Or simply a conduit to the efforts to being about a new way of living, based not on winner take all, move to mountains, and let the valley starve...
This way is forbidden and humans have broke this law. I write every day I believe just to attempt to not be viewed as a monster. The Batman connection to my story, and how they used the films as propaganda, I guess... and now this metropolis, because batman, the knight, who is a billionaire, represents their class.... total lie, they could give a shit about people. They made me the joker back with poor heath ledger, who Nicholson warned not to take the role... and he wound up dead. Serioys business when a group was using violence to prop up a dream, that I was giving orders with my actions, when I did not even know you were there.
The sin of keeping me in the dark makes rancid many souls and still, to this day, you make the mistake, my elite friends, of forgetting that I am here to save you as well. I did not want the sort of blood shed that came about. I could go on and on about how little I knew... and I could not let you know, had to be mysterious, because I was afraid of this world that appeared on my television, this race, this HEART ATTACK business.... I hear David Letterman's voice over and over WHAT ABOUT ME … WHEN I heard they were going to heart attack Mandela, and I did not want it... before I had no idea these were attacks associated with me. To my horror others died over conflicts I took to be matters of word.
When you finally let me through the looking glass there was nothing to do except try to clean up the carnage... You acted like I thought lives had a price when I said give money to the families of the blacks you murdered... I had no idea these people were being killed, and stopped it as soon as I found out. I would never had said or done so many things if you had simply told me what you were doing. Even when you did, it seemed ridiculous to me. Why the emphasis on race, why such hatred... I could not understand why it was so important to people that I said I was white,, and sided with the white race. I could not understand why you were fighting at all, unless it was to divide a conquer a real threat.
I remember over and over the scenes from dr who where I got a glimpse into what was happeing, the attack on England which I never thought you would do... and the seven, seven, seven amount used to dump radioactivity from Japan tells me my angry joking mean comment about nuking Japan was taken seriously.
I do not believe our armies or navy should be concerned with other countries at this time, I think they should be taking back control of the USA, from a coup. The armed forces will do it, or citizens will do it, either way it will get messy.
I am horrified by what happened. Cannibalism among people living underground was on a tv show last night, and I thought of the tales they told me, in simpsons episodes and all over the place. The small messages only the initiated would get, I thought. I underestimated my fame totally, and still do.
I cannot stand constantly being shaped by your lies. my story is not yours to steal and rewrite and put a spin on, hiding what really happened.
gotham had the joker not wanting power or money, just chaos.... first they had him say he fought for the common people, and they were coming after the blue bloods..... and young batbut, looked off thoughtfully and said there must be some good people somewhere.
My gal just buzzed through it but I quit watching when I saw they were using the show to twist a tale of what happened, because they called me the joker at first, until I found out, and they changed my face. I ended up superman, which is why the batman versus superman came out. Because I saved the government for good or bad. I fear this decision cost the revolution, but I did not know who to trust, and am glad that certain people did not get control. Anyone sane who was involved in this knows.
I was horrified to hear you studied me... I remember saying bring people to meet me in groups if they wished and they came and I was puzzled....
I KEEP seeing the hurt filled, disgusted in a way, look a young man gave me, on a day when everyone at the sacred beach was dressed in black. I am not sure, but I think they thought I wanted them to kill themselves because of an atrocious joke I made... I do not know where God and Science are involved in all of this. WHY was only certain things taken up... like sports, when I also said tv and music... I hoped to stop everything and revolt.
I did not expect to be steered by spies all around me. I could not take stolen money, I am not involved with a criminal family. They told you as much, and I now understand better their role in how the sausage gets made in this country I remember Jerry Seinfeld, and his trusted buddies all helped me from the start, and I got pissed because a shop keeper ripped me off for ten bucks. Saying I was ripped off for a lot more. The brainwashing had me scrambled as hell during that period, I could not think straight most of the time. I would have done everything different if they had not tried to push their morality on me, thinking there was a vacuum inside me, when indeed I had a very strong morality, only at that moment, I did not believe in God.... and was very angry to feel so alone in the universe.
God had been a huge part of my life because of aa since I was eighteen. I remember though, going into a university after taking some time off, and walking in thinking, THEY WILL STRIP ME OF MY RELIGION... which happened to me at the University of Toledo, as well, and Depaul… sadly. Most of my education was very secular, and I went with it...
Though in aa I had a very personal sense of God and talked to him, and thought he did things... hard to explain, like he would reward me at times for my good acts... and I was always trying to do them, though my drunken lying self was untrustworthy.....
I think of all the lies I told in my life. Now I have no ore lies. This burned them away. Life is too real and dangerous without fiction. I was filmed telling my stupid macho lies, God.... oddly I feel all this was good for my soul. I hated lying and prayed about it all my life... but, well... I do not know what all they did to my head.
the t
I never apologize enough, though I should for the day on the lakeshore I did that fake ceremony.... like I was going to do something, and a woman told me they were screaming, and an alarm went off and... God, you had no idea how I had just been treated in the hospital, and I lumped all of you together.... I was going thru hell not getting enough medication, losing my fucking emotional stability and anytime I mentioned what was really going on, suddenly I was scizo… I get this. I was not myself.
I now refuse to stop trying to help. I have one group at least that believes in me, and they honor me with their interest. I will never forget the day a Chinese woman appeared on tv and seemed to address me, as she cried and said she did not know how anyone could hate Chinese culture. I do not know how the hell that statement became associated with me, but I replied of course that I love their culture, and to hate a culture … it made no sense.. I said this much more eloquently. She was on tv on the feed with a viola, I think, the huge ones... and she started playing wonderfully. I think mary ann was trying to get me to go some where, she who always ignored what was happeneing…. who even when I figured out all the people were watching acted just as she had.
Now I love mary ann and we are together, but it is a business relationship with her first and foremost, to the point that there is no sex anymore. I take all theses narcotics for the back, closing off my sexual urges. I would love the feeling of closeness, bonding, love that comes from making love, though I have more important business on this planet than my own pleasure. I went crazy when I first learned all this and wanted to leave mary ann and start a new life... God, it was so stupid. I projected so much onto her. Blamed her weight, which hardly was heavier than Barbara was at some points and I still totally wanted her, for the effect of narcotics and her constant arguing
\\
.
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