super gnat rules

 I have us all pegged as less than a gnat on God's ass.  Just nothing special in this universe, which is special enough without us, and we are created from a God of Love, whether we discover and channel that in life or not.

When I was pissed at Bowie over Blackstone, there was nothing I could do except respond to a corpse.  I hope since 015 certain matters have been cleaned up, I am not privy to much information.  Super. at least let me know someone was still communicating, in a way that was not entirely mocking.   I am very defensive, though I let this down for this show, because your honesty, and hard appraisal -- I will never forget Jensen screaming at CASS, who wanted nothing to do with violence, like I was, when I found out about all the killing.   He told Cass, NO ONE GIVES A DAMN ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.   I had fucked up, accidently, perhaps, or maybe I was still in someone elses' plan.   Regardless, this was just after the killings of prosperity ministers, the shooting of a blue dog democrat and their staff, and other matters that make no religious sense, only .... I do not know what motivated people, perhaps having God talking to them directly was...

I know character after character took my traits.   Kevin Tran still in a way feels closest to what you have shown me as, and Cass, who wore the same trench coat I wore all the time.  I was surprised the angels became 'dicks' but by then a war on humanity had commenced, revenge of the angels... the slaughter of the unrighteous...   while I am thinking people know what I write is how I truly feel...  that is why I became a writer.   I was thinking last night of how during the race war, where everyone seem to think it imperative I choose 'whites' when I never saw this as choice, I saw this as injustice, and that exists for blacks and whites and everyone in my book.   I asked for changes, and said I am of course white, and love white people.   I love people of other cultures and races and religions easily as well, I know from past experience.   Variety and respect for the beliefs of others is how I live.   In my writing I can be way too critical, obviously, but I am asking for civil change, not death.

I know that for awhile they used Chuck as me, but I stopped thinking God and I were the same after my vision.   I am not the great one that is for sure.  Whatever I am is irrelevant.  Am I an alien or an angel?  Can I trust what I was told back in 06?   Or was an elaborate con played?   I am not sure.  There is a part of me that can only deal with this by believing there is a divine will behind this, that the blood means something;  that our lives here on earth, this pain, will help our souls after this body no longer has a hold on me.  I cannot imagine a world where everyone who dies no longer exists, and after astral projecting and having a hard to dispute, well witnessed, meeting with a ghost, living thru the polyp on an artery, and other things.   Only in God's time, and he will decide that, not me....   Not even the son will know what day the end will come.   If I am the end, or the beginning of the end...  the mercy killing before the planet goes mad...  It will just happen, if that is what the vision meant.   The endless fire and lightening flowing from my body, the same night I see the face of God...  never before or since have I dreamt such things.

Perhaps this is a metaphor for the hellish shit I would release....  I simply do not know and fear my words will be taken for scripture, which it is not.  I do not think.  Surely just something to think about but never an edict, and always with the post script that it might not be your time, you might not need it,  or you have a path already.   I get all that.   I wish to build on a secular Christian community.  Like there are plenty of folk who identify with the religion in which they were raised, but still call themselves Jewish, or Catholic.  The sects of Christianity are too numerous to stereotype them.

I could not join a religion because I flat out think to do that I would be required to believe fully in the book, and I don't at all.   This does not matter to me, that not much was passed down, that I buy, and that is the Golden Rule being the sum of all religion, and everything humans believe is foolishness to God -- a God I saw from far off in space, so huge....  a structure, various circles around one slightly larger, about six or seven circles, all muted colors, covered in lightening, and on their edges, I could see from my angle green granite with white marbling.  When Obama addressed me from the un it was that same green.

I still am not sure of what all you are doing;   I am certainly grateful to them, and feel a great if wary love for the entire cast, though I suspect you went thru some hell because of this.   I am sorry that you suffered.   You all should have just been able to make art, instead of having to work for the cia and whoever... thank God you did not turn out to be Nazi's or Racists, both of which I worried about.    Your talk of free will, which I have preached about for years now, especially since so many gave away their free will, and I saw what happened then --  a madness was pushed thru the ranks, the agenda of forces larger than I.   A race war was the last thing on my agenda.   I could not believe it was possible in this day and age.   I truly thought we were simply more evolved than that.  Same with the Nazi's, who are very powerful or were and I seemed to witness them harming Jews, who I again do not have any right to tell how to think.   I am against what they are doing in Palestine.  I am against those Christians who go to soldiers' funerals and scream homophobic crap, too.... neither represent all Jews.   I am praying for the Jews right now, trying to get nutty yahoo out.   A neo-con.  

I would still be the first to stand up and help the Jews fight if they were being attacked for being Jewish, or something.   If you are some perv or thief or slum lord who happens to be Jewish, I could give a fuck what happens to you... but that applies to anyone who is one of these things.   I used to take for granted that people knew I was a fair minded intellectual, and all my talk about equality comes from a place of learned, scientifically backed up, philosophical beliefs.   I do not believe humans have a right to judge others especially over jobs, intellect, race, etc.... as better than someone who is not.    I felt 'diminished expectations' thru our school and parental seeming indifference,   left me feeling inferior to most people in the end.   I still tried, and AA gave me a rebirth of new sobriety whenever things got so bad I drank, which many years ago was true, certainly no more.

I like that you used Jack's response to religion as he did not need sacrifices or worship.   Exactly how I felt when I found out these things were happening.   Then I discovered how I was seen by the many.  Having still no idea of the scope of this matter, I listened to codes I did not understand but I got the gist when they said The Mullets are Gone.   Some group, I assumed at the time an enemy, was harmed and I was party to this information.  I did not know why or what to do with it.   The counter intuitive idea that I would want my forces split up into a race war, then have a group of my soldiers slaughtered by the English, then have all the people who like myself had their minds fucked, murdered.   Or enough of them.  I would not have thought these things possible.

When I discovered them....   Supernatural was there when the worst was happening, what they put up as Dick Roman, after my misperception cost people their lives, when I did not yet have a clue who exactly was watching me, or even why?   I knew I was a prisoner of some sort, if just in obscurity, which I was not at all.   Nor will I give up what power I have, though I sure do hope they see fit to loan themselves out to others, like unions...  I am sure you are all way ahead of me.    When I saw Chuck, the writer like me, I identified, you showed me something.  My writing was having an effect.   I hope you did not feel that I ended up being Chuck, which makes little sense if you chose Jack...  I was so glad you did that, felt like I had another chance....  the world had a chance.   I have an urge to please people, artists get it, but it is different now.    I certainly am a lot more Jack than Chuck about many things, but being God sure does not fit with who I am.  Just is not true.  God is huge to me, and like Jack described, in everything, and loves us, as part of himself, a parent to a child but.... more the pure love that souls are capable of are drawn to a God of pure love, when in soul.    Again, it could be totally different for someone else, or I may be able to draw on weird mystical memories that I can never tell if I made up or not?

I was sorry to see the skulls, and the black boots exactly like the ones I just got, were worn by the vampire coven that killed Dean,, who got 'screwed,' or 'stabbed in the back,' symbolically,  and  I wondered do they feel like I stabbed them in the back, or Dean in particular.  I do not know how to interpret this.   I do not want to diminish what you went thru, how could I, since I can only guess at what you went thru.   When I saw all the new footage relating to me in the last few episodes, I felt it was friendly, not hateful.... and they call themselves team free will, which again I always write about.   

I would like to think that we were morally on the same page, most of the time...  I realize I grew monstrous for awhile.   I do not wish to ever feel that desperate and cornered and ready to just fucking explode....   I don't want to be seen as Napoleon.  I am not.   I was never interested in material gain, after being told to join a secret society, which I do not feel comfortable doing, though I certainly understand why they exist, and have little clue about.  

I recommended that people inter-marry to get over racism, now inter racial couples are all over, and I wrote gays are normal and too much praise for some, all the issues I never saw addressed in the media, I wanted to use my fifteen minutes to reflect on.   I fully expected to get shot down at any moment....   when I first confirmed the killings, by provoking a reaction in you, about the only way you have left me...  then I came up with a vision of them clearing a path to heaven thru all these planets and etc....   it was I knew even as I said it, or so it seems, this was thirteen years ago, that I was rationalizing these deaths.   I said they were the best of us, which flipped people out..   I said we chose our lives before livig them, and some of the stronger souls took the larger burdens..  

I could write a religion, healthy and courageous.  Perhaps the inspiration of an angelic muse would aide me.   I do not think the world needs anymore religions, and I hate the idea of competing in any way with the Catholic Church, which I have come to apreciate, like all religion, as a force that can be used for good to shape children into moral people.   A few simple words that cannot be argued.   Not metaphors that only a biblical scholar would really understand, after considering writer, context, time, changes, sameness...  it is amazing how the Catholics break the bible up like they do in religious classes, then still believe.   I think they are all liars, but I think we all are...  many are true, and accept that God's Will is a mystery, though too many others claim understanding of God to gain power over other people, to become a religious icon themselves -- the worst sin to me...  Sure, I wanted to influence to people to do good, which is why I wrote, which is why this is where I make sense of the tantrums, the impulses, the pondering, the wiser voice prevails, not the bloody warrior yelling war cries at an enemy. 

 I guess some are humble enough to get beyond this, I HAVE MET THEM AND LOVED THEM and saw them as true shepherds...  few men in my life, and one was a priest... a good man who cared about raising moral people, cheerful, and interested in us kids.   I wanted to be Catholic so bad.  My minister had never spoken to me,  I went to sunday school with some teacher most the time I went, then as an adult as a family thing, seeing friends.  There could have been something there, but...

a new 

The rules, the hatred, the rape...  all of the problems in an institution which any cult minded individual can brainwash a few others, the religious hive minds that became with hunters....  witches you told me about, said what should we do...  I  knew by then you were asking me if people, who I knew nothing about, should die.... when I would no more have someone killed for calling themselves a witch than I would if they called themselves a Sikh -- a religion whose people I have come to have great respect for, due to their charitable activities around the world...  I would not answer.  Sent a video later that two of three factions were gone, and I never knew what they had done, let alone who was behind them, etc.   Worries me. The show about the death race you put me in, that sick shit, seemed closer to the truth than anything, seemed to convey the horror and absurdity and astounding events.   I saw so many shows that mentioned this that I finally began to learn from the criticism what evidently was being half ass hidden from me.

The rules of the game have never been quite understood on this end.   You say it is not a game, but it is to you, or you would have seen the reality and long ago the elite would have saved the planet.   They had the power at one point to do so and did not use it, and by the time I came along the earth was already going to die.    I think that is why I am here, to stand on a street corner in your mind with a sign reading THE END IS NIGH.

I hope we did not end up on enemy sides.   I am for free will, and I am for justice though I am willing to play reset, as long as the finances go the other way, and let the criminals fly away.  I am not willing to genocide or leave people on the surface without infrastructure in the dastardly days to come.  Is it a dream?   A better dream than the nightmare I have lived, death walking for so long...  I do relish the idea of giving life.     

This child will bring paradise, not on earth like they wanted to think...   some balance well beyond anything of human understanding.