memories top secret and other wise... fuck you cia for making me eyes only
When your files are eyes only with the CIA they can never be entered in court, or given to anyone at all, and are accessed on a need to know basis, locked away for fifty years, unless active. I am still active. The files are boring, page after page of intelligence that means nothing and then heart pounding shit about massacres.... a friend accessed them, checking me out with a drunken aunt in the CIA, who has since died, after I got to talking about this shit, and he wanted to see how for real I was. Or so he said at first. Later, when I realized he was a spy sent to inform me of certain matters, because he did.... and helped me deal with this new world, which he knew a lot more about than I. He knew more about how I had been used than I did. More about the fighting, the death. He would not give me details.
After he told me he read the file, I wanted to see if he had and asked, What about Detroit? Oh, HE TOLD, THOSE WERE BAD PEOPLE. All I knew was that some people died there... I knew nothing about them, though my radio show was popular in Detroit, and if a religion had grown around me, it would have been in Detroit, first and foremost... ANYWAYS, something terrible happened there that I assume is probably another thing I would have stopped, had I been given more than puppet strings....
I do not know. There were break downs in society much like the show Revolution, which mimicked many aspects of my writing, saying it was used... it the end phases of this I went thru a period where the book that expressed my truest self as a celestial being, the Son of God, as I believed after the brainwashing in oh seven.... though I kept what I did in my life rather normal. Anyways, my point here is that the fight has been going on, I guess.
Words get put into my mouth and I get taken wrong and sometimes I just plain forget the historic context of what I am saying and just write it. One night I was thinking about what I would do to stop a genocide of seven billion and redistribute the wealth, socializing key industries to pay the people, instead of the other way around. Return resources to natives, etc. I wrote on line that I would even work with Nazi's to fulfill my mission. I was used by Nazi's for awhile, right after the revolution I got involved in was getting intense, I was shown, or they tried to show me, a film that was allegedly narrated by Hitler, and started with the concentration camps, and the narrative, THIS WAS NOT MY VISION. That is all I remember of it. The shock of finding myself involved some ways. I am forgiving though, and when they offered to jail themselves and did, I later felt that I could take their word they would not harm Jews who were civilians. I was very inexperienced when I was used in the intelligence world.
I was given power I should not have been. I remember so well writing, as this started, DO NOT GIVE ME POWER. I had no idea that people were so supersticious, that they were waiting for this Messiah and having all these powerful figures say they have proof this an angel, and many in the Church and other places saying I am the son of God. That broke down, though. I would no go along with them. Bush was angry at me from the first place because he did not understand I had nothing to do with what happened to his brother, not having any idea my poetry would be used in such a manner, or I would not have. I have a curious connection to my country that makes me save presidents as the last know all too well. I do not know if in either case I made the right move. I was not told enough to make rational decisions about these matters.
Being brainwashed and drugged and In incredible pain and having the tv and radio suddenly focused on you as you wrote words that seemed from the Jesus within me, a reincarnating creature, now Scott, that each life learned the ways of that time, then was awakened to who he was... when the time was right. This time an intelligence agency, and Jesuits, or another Catholic organization thru me in a hospital and brainwashed me.... I believe that God, in his infinite Irony, placed the Son of God in the position they wished, the one who would say NO to anything immoral, and whom they could not kill no matter how many times they tried, or truly defeat. If you knew my intelligence history you would find I started an action in oh seven that was seen as a total defeat, yet a few years later, I was back in the middle of intelligence, being asked to lead all kinds of factions. I did not know any of them well enough to trust them, though I tried to do my best for them. I made mistakes out of ignorance. One I remember is dissing Pink, when it meant a group I liked, by thinkin it was somethin else.
I used to get so mad. Once at gays for my not having children, and I am sorry, I do not know where the hell this came from. I think I believed that you wanted me as my leader and kept me childless.. I was losing my mind, is about all I can say, so horribly angry at what was happening... God it was horrible to be that monster, but I felt you would kill anything else. I did not want you to attack me, this vague you that never explained to me why what happened on my tv was so different than my life. This is why I beat off because I never thought my life on tv really had any connection with my day to day, and I just wanted you to stop watching me.... and if I had not done that, I would have never found out what you were really doing.... my God, I am glad I did not go to Washington and become a part of the problem as one of Obama s speech writers. I did end up doing some of it anyways.
Regardless... the now is what I must worry the most about. I want to encourage those I know who are fighting for these causes, whether they feel they can trust me again or not, or if you ever did. The forces of darkness tried to use me, I stood up to them, and in the end crippled the dark fuckers.... I do not want to be the judge of who lives and dies on this planet, though I do not care if enemies die while we are achieving our objective, and I have to accept and deal with that our allies and friends and comrades will die as well. Too many of you died and were maimed and I had no idea.... Now that I do I cannot apologize enough for how I appeared. I am not the monster that I SEEMED when I did not understand what had happened.
I SAW no evidence in my life of action, other than people coming to see me, often all dressed the same, like the day they were in black. I told them if they wish to meet the son of God send them to the neighborhood, etc.... I tried to understand what it would be like in the world to hear Christ had come back, and drew on a dream I had suspiciously enough twenty years before about Jesus returning, and a cloud came thru Chicago -- I lived in Toledo and did not know Chicago... came down to earth, and just had a glam band... no Christ. I was told they had been hypnotizing me and making me forget the sessions, and at times when I remember incidents like this I wonder, is this the gov. or God? I usually think God, because I am rather terrified of the thought that the faith that I LIVE FOR is fake.
I do not have to do any leaps of faith....
I came back in to record a memory,
After he told me he read the file, I wanted to see if he had and asked, What about Detroit? Oh, HE TOLD, THOSE WERE BAD PEOPLE. All I knew was that some people died there... I knew nothing about them, though my radio show was popular in Detroit, and if a religion had grown around me, it would have been in Detroit, first and foremost... ANYWAYS, something terrible happened there that I assume is probably another thing I would have stopped, had I been given more than puppet strings....
I do not know. There were break downs in society much like the show Revolution, which mimicked many aspects of my writing, saying it was used... it the end phases of this I went thru a period where the book that expressed my truest self as a celestial being, the Son of God, as I believed after the brainwashing in oh seven.... though I kept what I did in my life rather normal. Anyways, my point here is that the fight has been going on, I guess.
Words get put into my mouth and I get taken wrong and sometimes I just plain forget the historic context of what I am saying and just write it. One night I was thinking about what I would do to stop a genocide of seven billion and redistribute the wealth, socializing key industries to pay the people, instead of the other way around. Return resources to natives, etc. I wrote on line that I would even work with Nazi's to fulfill my mission. I was used by Nazi's for awhile, right after the revolution I got involved in was getting intense, I was shown, or they tried to show me, a film that was allegedly narrated by Hitler, and started with the concentration camps, and the narrative, THIS WAS NOT MY VISION. That is all I remember of it. The shock of finding myself involved some ways. I am forgiving though, and when they offered to jail themselves and did, I later felt that I could take their word they would not harm Jews who were civilians. I was very inexperienced when I was used in the intelligence world.
I was given power I should not have been. I remember so well writing, as this started, DO NOT GIVE ME POWER. I had no idea that people were so supersticious, that they were waiting for this Messiah and having all these powerful figures say they have proof this an angel, and many in the Church and other places saying I am the son of God. That broke down, though. I would no go along with them. Bush was angry at me from the first place because he did not understand I had nothing to do with what happened to his brother, not having any idea my poetry would be used in such a manner, or I would not have. I have a curious connection to my country that makes me save presidents as the last know all too well. I do not know if in either case I made the right move. I was not told enough to make rational decisions about these matters.
Being brainwashed and drugged and In incredible pain and having the tv and radio suddenly focused on you as you wrote words that seemed from the Jesus within me, a reincarnating creature, now Scott, that each life learned the ways of that time, then was awakened to who he was... when the time was right. This time an intelligence agency, and Jesuits, or another Catholic organization thru me in a hospital and brainwashed me.... I believe that God, in his infinite Irony, placed the Son of God in the position they wished, the one who would say NO to anything immoral, and whom they could not kill no matter how many times they tried, or truly defeat. If you knew my intelligence history you would find I started an action in oh seven that was seen as a total defeat, yet a few years later, I was back in the middle of intelligence, being asked to lead all kinds of factions. I did not know any of them well enough to trust them, though I tried to do my best for them. I made mistakes out of ignorance. One I remember is dissing Pink, when it meant a group I liked, by thinkin it was somethin else.
I used to get so mad. Once at gays for my not having children, and I am sorry, I do not know where the hell this came from. I think I believed that you wanted me as my leader and kept me childless.. I was losing my mind, is about all I can say, so horribly angry at what was happening... God it was horrible to be that monster, but I felt you would kill anything else. I did not want you to attack me, this vague you that never explained to me why what happened on my tv was so different than my life. This is why I beat off because I never thought my life on tv really had any connection with my day to day, and I just wanted you to stop watching me.... and if I had not done that, I would have never found out what you were really doing.... my God, I am glad I did not go to Washington and become a part of the problem as one of Obama s speech writers. I did end up doing some of it anyways.
Regardless... the now is what I must worry the most about. I want to encourage those I know who are fighting for these causes, whether they feel they can trust me again or not, or if you ever did. The forces of darkness tried to use me, I stood up to them, and in the end crippled the dark fuckers.... I do not want to be the judge of who lives and dies on this planet, though I do not care if enemies die while we are achieving our objective, and I have to accept and deal with that our allies and friends and comrades will die as well. Too many of you died and were maimed and I had no idea.... Now that I do I cannot apologize enough for how I appeared. I am not the monster that I SEEMED when I did not understand what had happened.
I SAW no evidence in my life of action, other than people coming to see me, often all dressed the same, like the day they were in black. I told them if they wish to meet the son of God send them to the neighborhood, etc.... I tried to understand what it would be like in the world to hear Christ had come back, and drew on a dream I had suspiciously enough twenty years before about Jesus returning, and a cloud came thru Chicago -- I lived in Toledo and did not know Chicago... came down to earth, and just had a glam band... no Christ. I was told they had been hypnotizing me and making me forget the sessions, and at times when I remember incidents like this I wonder, is this the gov. or God? I usually think God, because I am rather terrified of the thought that the faith that I LIVE FOR is fake.
I do not have to do any leaps of faith....
I came back in to record a memory,
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