all those who think I lie or write fiction, are cowards
I was such a mental coward until I was forced to fight. When the intelligence I write about becomes bloody, blood was shed. When I speak of mourning for the lost, who are buried in unmarked graves, etc... the innocent protesters, the religious people that were used, the way the military was used, the way this system people believe in is one big fiction. Sounding crazy goes with the territory, of exposing the dark side of the government, because it is a an abyss so black that you have to see it for yourself to believe it exists... practically.
I understand the skepticism intellectually though emotionally it pisses me off. My family, some involved in this business and some not... one who seems like he has been kept in the dark... like I was for many years about my mother's affiliations, refuses to believe my life. What do you do with someone who you tell what happened to you and they say, NO, THAT DID NOT HAPPEN. It is not like I have ever been paranoid, and scoffed at conspiracy theories altogether... they interested me, but the true histories I knew about the CIA and intelligence, however watered down and edited and etcetera interested me.
I assumed voting kind of ruled the world, but that it was rigged for the rich these days... Clinton did not seem like Democrat to me, and had a worse record on the environment than his predecessor. Regardless. I respected the system well after I should have been beyond that. After the brainwashing and being watched, and tortured, seemingly, by having so much of media geared toward me... because I had this huge web show and the tv people knew I watched, some hated me, some liked me... I had no idea behind this people were being killed, taken slaves, that an army was building to revolt that did not share one of my core values -- no color or religion or region or intelligence level or looks or any of that matters to me, and if people want to fight over that shit I think they are being divided and conquered.... which was done with the people under me, who at first I know were bi racial at first, then they fabricated a race war from a plea I wrote to Jessie Jackson to work with me. That ended with pick up the gauntlet or start your run. A metaphor... not an ultimatum and why would I write all I did only to end on that note? Then I had a run in with a local black racist.
It was ridiculous. One day at the bus stop I did not have my glasses on and was looking at him, not recognizing who he was... he thought I was trying to stare him down, I realized when I turned that way and he was standing right there, a head shorter than me.... kicking his ass would have been too easy. I just turned away and talked to mary ann, who was oblivious of the whole thing, and he quit waiting for a bus, walked away like a coward.... he could fight me, but was too nervous to get on the bus with me....
He was juvenile to get pissed at me over a mistake I made in days of a basketball game and called me a liar, said I was making it up? Why the hell I would do that? Anyways, he is a freak, one of those guys who actually made fun of me for being disabled, by comparing me to the developmentally disabled people he works with. A real dick. A racist behind whites backs... got he was so homophobic he told me that in acting school he refused to play a gay person.... then goes intoa story about some transsexual who he met, who he told they could be friends, but he was straight. I hope you are getting the picture of the odious individual we are talking about. Carries around a race card like a six foot by ten poster....
From these two events, all of my writing and actions for all of my life were dismissed, and these became the spark... boom. Everyone wanted the race war anyways, as far as I can tell... I am not sure. I would never have allowed such a thing if they had actually allowed me decision making power, though they did. Had they told me people were living underground, I would have done exactly what I did, told them to get out of there... I found out about this when a spy called me, not sure who he was, maybe black underground... anyways, he tells me, out of the blue, "I watched a science fiction movie last night where these people had been living underground, and when they were told they did not have to, they were pissed." This shit with me started in 07, when they told everyone I was the returned Christ... and this was like four years late. Then he adds, "Johnny and Steve caught a trout and a salmon at the pier last night."
Both of these sentences make sense only in a context I did not understand until the next day, when I said something about fish, and they blurted out BUSTED... talking about the phone call the night before. This is how I found out they were killing my Christian followers. I painted a Christ protecting all these fish flying to Heaven, and it caused a stir, telling me even more... They told me certain groups were gone... and I did know who they were talking about who they killed, though I assumed enemies to my cause, my beliefs, and the people who had threatened me with tortures and all kinds of things worse than death, which these folks consider a courtesy. Seriously fucked up people in this world, let me tell ya... and they are in charge.
The fish comment told me two people I bought weed from were CIA killers. This made sense later... one of them admitted what he was doing in the most bizarre way, took me aside after I had them over, and looked at me with a fanatical look I cannot quite describe, his blue eyes so serious... I knew some brainwashing had went into that mind.. and he told me, DON'T TELL THEM WHERE WE HID THE BONES. I had no idea about any bones, or what the fuck he was referring to.... again, later I found out what was done with the flesh...
I heard jokes on the tv about turning people into sausage who I did not like... I laughed as one would at a joke. I am not laughing now.
There is no way to say that any death in this was senseless to me... God has a plan. I am not privy of the big one, so I make much smaller ones... leave that to him. I would do so many things different had I known just one thing, that a webcam was going out to the public. Had I known this was beyond tv and radio.... not some weird head game on me.... I had no idea what I was a part of, just that people kept asking me questions about my politics and being surprised by what I had written was true all these years. I guess they thought I was lying, because lies are part of war. And this is a war between good and evil. THE TACTICS used to win were ... I do not want to second guess soldiers, or think I can put myself in your shoes. Always I was protected, in Chicago, the hot commodity different people were making money off of and paying nothing//// and when I found out where the money came from, once again, I could not take it... I am not a thief or a pirate. It is one thing to pirate for a revolution, another to pirate for personal profit. Or to harm peoples finances, regular people or movie stars... etc... BUT AGAIN... I do not know what happened out there.
They said one night on a tv show about finance HE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON... and I knew shit was happening, people dying, and there was nothing I could do because I HAD no idea what was going on.... well, telling me what was going would have destroyed me as the fall guy, and elicited stupid orders from me... like when I was stunned to hear an army was out there. I did not know.... and then I find out that we white racists are influencing the army, Nazi's and others... I was a puppet and various people had strings. I need not list them, which they would not like.... and though I knew of the groups, only a few, with obvious agendas, were known to me... most are a bit of a mystery. Sharks evidently are mad killers who care of no one or something. Funny, I called on sharks when I wrote the poem that got Jerry Fallwell killed. I was in a state from the brainwashing and soooooo fucking pissed that this shit was happening to me... and filled with being Jesus. Filled with odd, supernatural experiences, and having the tv suddenly showing all this stuff about me.... PROJECT BLUEBEAM USED THE TELEVISION and radio, or course, but that does not get out to the public. Just the confusing alien thing they did, you can look up, the ufo sighting at O HARE airport in Chicago, happened the same weekend they were inserting Jesus into me.
I bitched out Bush that first night, and he believed I was Jesus... amazing thing. I thought he was my enemy when he thought I was the returned Christ... we crossed wires, thank God, or I would be on display as the new Jesus. I may be Jesus, for all it matters... I have visions of his Life, seem to hear myself in his words, and etc... I act on the assumption I am here to write scripture, to give the people a Christianity that is true, and believable, and taken from history, as harsh as that is toward the rich and powerful, who wrote Jesus practically out of the bible.
I had enough impact at one point that they must be having some problems eradicating my popularity, though they have certainly destroyed my reputation with many.... all lies. A song came out about this talking about how I was always too late, for everything,, my entire life... it was such a bullshit thing to say. Unless someone came along and educated me, as they eventually did to a much greater extent, though that was inadvertent when they were interrogating me. Other songs came out, one saying he wanted to kill the socialists because his 401k went down... he would not need it if we socialized. Just pure bullshit. When I think of the people I worked with, and who knew all about this shit and continue, I am filled with disgust and then there is the part of me that is grateful you trusted me, even though the chain of command was compromised.
When I think of the morning I came out pissed and in pain and said to the tv, TODAY WE FIND OUT WHO LIVES AND DIES... I did not think people would make a big deal out of it... the spies and media people who wee aware of me seldom seemed to act on what I said, and when they did it was a big surprise to me.
I said things.... oh, God, if I had known my power. I see why they try to keep me in check because I would change the status quo, though it would be win win win win they do not get that, and yes, we will have to fight our way to peace, by replacing those in power with people who cut military spending two thirds, at least. Close bases all over the world, and dedicate that money, toward giving grants to countries to rebuild after we bombed the hell out of them.
There was a day we could have had a one world government ... I think. Certainly the states, much later, which I destroyed the day after it was announcing, by telling my people to attack a force that would have taken over with me evidently, who had done a horrible disservice to the county... I now realize. I only found out as they dropped away the groups that supported me were watching me all the time. God, how humiliating that must have been for you. I cannot even go near that shame in my mind, it is too gut wrenching, too mind melting, too much for my heart. Too fucking much for me to ever dismiss.
This is the story of a real man, who lives a real life, who is trying to find a context for my life in which I am not the villain. I never was and dammit that is what they are going to try to do, they could not get me thru their questioning and little court, which I did not realize was a court, just a bunch of tv people pissed at me, what else was now... your whole media world was unreal to me. I just wanted to watch tv, got cable, and see on seth green s show a guy in an ape suit, who was way too skinny for it...I had just lost forty pounds.... I was not back. I simply had cable tv again. But I came back and how, causing worlds more trouble, death and destruction without purpose, except revenge.... dig two graves as they say.
I want to be loved, like anyone... though I watched a documentary about Jim Carrey and he was talking about he painted what other people liked, and was always thinking about that... I am the opposite. I do not care about what the audience thinks, I care about what I think, considering me the only fair judge of whether I did my best or not. I sure did envy him his studio though... he gets all whacked out on percodens and weed and paints.... WHY NOT? Now that women know about his v.d. I an sure he will have some adjusting to do in the dating department, but rich men with good drugs, even diseased -- there are ways to get around some of them if told in advance... but I do not care about Jim Carrey and wish him well, as I do everyone except Bob Dylan who I have a very special hell designed for. He will get much longer than most.
I have not described much in this entry about the thesis, which is that those who cannot believe my writing have problems of their own; those who question the truth, should understand I was a witness, not a utube film watcher; and lastly, seen a shrink, though my pain clinic, for over twenty years and before during and after there was never a suggestion I was mentally ill.... I was certainly adversely effected as a human being when this started. My idea was to scare people, impress them, organize them, etc... I should not have said all kinds of things I did... but dammit, if I had just been greeted by real human beings. That was what I WANTED... not the damn isolation that drove me crazy.
Bush the idiot totally misjudged me.... though there is certainly a part of me that regrets not getting rid of all the Bushes when I could have, those are exactly the kind of actions I did not have enough intel to comment on.
The Puerto Rican PEOPLE are in my prayers today as a hurricane nears them. Like Mexico, they were with me from the beginning, and gave me great pride. I just want us to get along racially with everyone. That is my only request.... I would love the chance to repay your kindness and loyalty though I do not know how. Every person who worked for me, whether we are on the same side or now, I feel responsible for your injuries, and want you to have peace. Rather than be confused as an ape, which must be communist atheists, I do not know... I hate to admit that. I almost put on planet of the apes when they thought I was giving them all these signs and they reacted with seeming horror. I had armed guards upstairs, who banged on the ceiling if something was on I should really watch. It was odd as hell. They would bang I think if they liked something I said a lot, or when I was writing.... I could not tell if it was a warning or encouraging me and never bothered trying to figure it out. I never talked to them though they always called me boss when I ran into them. Later, during an episode of how I met your mother, an irish oriented, cia kind of thing... I guess... they were in some kind of desperate situation, and this was just before they turned on me, and they were asking what to do.... that they had already burned a ton of candles. This is something I had done that week.
I had no context for what they were sking, what should we do.... do with what.... I would never want people patterning their life after mine and tried to tell them that from the start. I was stunned to find out for awhile you must have been forced to watch or something.. I cannot understand the scope, when one day I went out to the suburbs, and ordered a diet coke in a bar I had never been in before and they all knew me, these old men, said something abut lawyers.... I was trying to find a lawyer at that point, but there is no sueing these people. I ordered a diet coke and one guy said, I guess we will be eating light tonight. HOW could I have an effect on that?
Those who are not aware of these events should understand this sounded much more crazy to me than this does written down to you... because I was given intelligence in bit and pieces... suddenly something called a dog whistle, a statement meaning something only to certain people and is missed by everyone else.... all the time. TOO much to remember, and too much I did not understand... which I refused to admit to them, just to keep the enemy off balance, I thought... instead I WAS umbalancing the world.
THIS was not my plan. I wanted unionization, marches, a famous guy who gave his millions to causes, etc... I wanted a nice house and a pool and to move somewhere warm, etc... I want all those things. I regret not taking money all the time before I catch myself. I do hate that you have taken the money... that none of it was untainted. I do not believe all the people believe in me are gone, either, and I would love to live out my life with them... I dream of a large tract of land in the middle of nowhere, though warm. Build a series of small, eco friendly cabins that fit in with the surrounding forest to the point they almost disappear. We could live and study and try to put together a new bible, or a way of looking at the old bibles, which churches that embrace will survive. Those who do not, well.... I do not want a cult, however, or followers. I would like sponsors to help this dream come true. I want a place where the wounded from all sides of this war could come and live, get treatment, learn they are all just humans,
I would like a place that would be a beacon to all those who want social change, and a true source, perhaps, of news built from real journalists on the ground from all over the world. No propaganda, just what they always wanted to write, and perhaps in their country they could not. I would love this to be in Cuba, because of the unspoiled fauna, and the leftist attitude that prevails with the government. I would like people to not just visit, but live there. Whatever country. Mexico would be great in a patch with law, or where the local smugglers consider us good customers and leave us alone. Certainly a ganja friendly environment. I hate to leave the states, though... I love the people and want to save them from a horrible future, and I can't
I could make it a whole hell of a lot better if people listened to me, though I do not know if enough will in time. We need more than a class war... that seems to entail the rich against the poor... which is not the way to do this. TRILLIONAIRES and some BILLIONAIRES are the problem, not millionaires... I would that we were all millionaires, and I would make those with excessive wealth come down to earth. Anyone who cannot make a life on ten million dollars can fight, and die... and then all your family will die, and all your guards, and .... they will probably take the head of the snake and live out their lives bought out on the beach.
Class wars that make millionaires into enemies make no sense to me. They could fund the revolution through voluntary contributions, because they will win in the end, and we will take what is not offered.. contribute, I will not take more than a third. If you do not, I will take half. Though if I have to fight you, I will still give your children a million each if you have less than ten, though you and your spouses, if you love her, will get nothing except a bullet to stop you from making more trouble. Per the rules of war, you will kill this person, not my soldiers.
We will rid the US of the influence of large corporations. Those who give us trouble we will socialize in a way, really make the employees the owners, more tot he point. And the primary stock holders//// I would not do this with small businesses, but BP, well, they will be driven from these shores, that is for sure... you should have bombed the hell out them when you had the chance, and Buckingham palace.... no, I am joking. About Buckingham palace. The brit's need a snobby, rich person to steal money from them, who am I to tell them to remove a parasite.
We start in the states, black and whites, new Christians, the fbi, whoever will defect from the cia, and any military people who can be awoken to the situation. Before we openly had the military, now we must have people everywhere, though they must be ready to mutiny when the time comes, because Trump appointed leaders cannot be trusted. Even if they say they will go along, and want to, they will be relieved of command and remanded to their cabins, and not able to communicate with anyone except me. I am talking the larger ships, of course, and the nuclear submarine operators. This is not a Chinese endeavor, as much as I respect them and am grateful for their commitment to my free speech, and saving my life. This is a US operation. We need as much foreign assistance as possible, though in the end, we set up a democratic republic, after cleaning the slate of present politicians, changing campaign finance reform law, and setting term limits... and all kinds of restrictions on who they can take a dime from.
I am not going after the mob again.... I do not care what you do to a certain degree. Let us be and you will get the same from me, as long as slavery is cut off. That is where the line gets drawn. I will do everything in my power to destroy slave owners. I NOW understand the depth of your horrors in this and feel sorry for those of you who carried out these orders. They were not the cia's to give, or anyone's. I am not the Joker. I have been law abiding compared to a politician, or a cop. Not that this is a very high bar, I have been very moral most of my life, with the exception of drunken episodes and other things... we all make mistakes, sometimes a few times, before we learn the lesson needed to move on.
When the world could finally ask me questions, after this had been barred, to the point of a voice once coming on tv and saying, NO QUESTIONS, AND NOBODY DIE. Damn, I had no clue what was going on... but when the were able to ask me questions, when people were not getting beaten for talking me down as they did with my initial allies... another thing I laughed at when I saw on seth greens show and thought it was bullshit... anyways, what I am slowly getting at is one of the first questions they asked was, SHOULD PEOPLE FIX THEIR ANIMALS... all because I made jokes about bob barker wanting my cats balls. But why the fuck was that at the top of the list... I am trying to remember what they asked me... once during an awards show, when I was one top and believe I ordered certain parties to do certain things.. though I hardly meant what they did I take full responsibility for that one. He tried to get me to acknowledge him thru the tv, which he knew was a webcam... I considered this annoying as hell, people coming into my living room unbidden... well, he said something and when I did not respond, he goes, FROM CHAPLIN? Like I did not know who he was... he then went on to kill a stuffed animal at the podium, and say THEY WERE OUR BEST BREEDING STOCK.... mel Gibson was the table in front with Jodie foster, and he gave her the hamster.... now I am not sure why. I LIKE THE Jodie Foster I read about in the press, and do not hate Gibson for his religious beliefs, or what he believes about Jews -- the think enough strange things about themselves, what is one more?
Anyways, they did something that I could not believe the whole world was not aware.... how could people explain this to themselves if they were not involved? Am I that well known? If so, has the top secrecy order in place just made me seem to go away, like superman killing himself... like they wanted me to do. I guess in a way I did, to end the fascist regime built up around me, which may hae been of the belief that we would become a theocratic nation of sorts. I do not like how mixed up politics is with religion, and would separate the two if it were possible.
I know this all sounds like a dream that could never happen... well, I have made great things and horrible things with words..... so who knows, perhaps God will smile on humanity and your leaders will finally come to me. I suppose I have no idea how toxic my name is... like those bastards on dr who have the episode about this pedophile who declares they are angels... because they lived though they should be dead.... I should have died from many things that happened in my life which is a huge part of my legend. That along with people like Bono believing I grew wings as a child does a number on your head... especially when you have two weird scars on your back and had a year of radiation when I was five, and as a babe I dreamt of driving and flying... and in the end, drove basically for living. I cannot verify any of this. The operation goes so deep they might have given me the scars and the radiation was faked or something to make this seem true, though I do not care what I believe or others... something happened, and whether it was subterfuge for a mission forty years later, or I started to grow wings. The latter makes a strange sense since they also tried to call me an alien.
I meant to write this before that I bitched out Bush who was a believer until he went back to his old ways... the next day, Christopher hitchens is on tv saying why would an alien speak of heaven and hell... I did not even remember much of what I SAID to Bush and others that night, but I have never much believed in hell and backed off my statement, as best I could. I wondered how this looked at the tine? Like I was taking orders? I do not really understand the UFO part, but it happened and you can look it up, made wikapedia, maybe because they know the real story and print what bit they can...
I now think in terms of a hell where people go and experience all the pain they have caused others over and over again, putting them in every situation from the other persons view, with their feeling life, when he burned them. Depending on how evil their life has been, this process of learning lessons from their mistakes takes no time... because they go where there is not time.. it seems like eternity, though it is the merest of a split second before they burst into the world of soul and that knowledge returns to them... they chose a specific life to live for their own reasons. Often that means a poor life, a sickly life, etc... they choose bodies that are handicapped to save this burden from others, and many things go into this... so many they rush at me when I think of them... people want to be near other people, marry their spouse again, be with the same pets again, and all of this is possible.... perhaps this life they have some making up to do for the last one..... I do not know.
I do believe everyone goes to heaven. Everyone. I believe I have a job to do which requires me to put this off, what I have been doing here. You think things are bad here, at least you had progress... some planet life dies long before the mind that can perceive of itself ... the molecules break up and the universes inside them live on and the one inside that and..... forever and ever amen. The complexities, and sheer size of space is ungraspable. No point in asking the unanswerable when there is so much around us that can be scientifically quantified.... to this day I trust science more than religion on all but one point, there is a creator, a great being, intelligent and amused and saddened and... a being of pure love, who gave us a holy ghost of pure love, we can choose to listen to or not. Choose is not the right word...
I do not know why some get religion and some do not. I do not have to take a leap of faith, too much has happened for me not to believe, and I tried .... though I did not believe in God when I published my first two books, post brainwashing I do, and I still have the voice of Jesus. Most of my life though I did believe in God, though he was much more nebulous than the Christian God, and did not seem to give a shit about our day to day life which I still kind of think is true. I believe that is what I am here for. God created you, and you will return to him a separate being all yourself, not him... he used to laugh at me, and that takes surprise. Perhaps he has to force some part of himself to shut down so he can hear things anew. I am not sure though I love the sound of his laughter... I feel him the day I told him I did not want to destroy a planet, laughing at me... my free will. He must have been waiting for one of us to discover this, since on my planet, we are soul travelers who go all over, and since time does not exist for us, it is nothing to watch a planet go thru its' entire life cycle from speck of dust in space to thriving planets filled with life back to bits of dust in space... as I will earth.
I told you once we would fight our way through the universe... a metaphor for fighting the evil on the planet... though I think it was taken literally at the time, and I felt it could be true, as I did so many things when I first discovered the idea there was a God and I was Jesus... very different than the myths, but the man who once incarnated in a black, Jewish, Essenes body. I had a father and a mother like anyone else though there were many signs and omens and supersticion surrounding me even then. He was very different than I am. He fought directly, as a revolutionary... like myself, he did not want to be a chaplin, he wanted to fight,.... now I wish the God I had chose chaplain for the enlisted men.
I still love all you soldiers and sailors so much... I want you home and at peace..... I will NEVER ABANDON YOU... it may look like it at times, but those are either my own lack of intelligence, or more than likely, lies about me, things done on cia orders I would never give. I hope to God one show that said I had taken over the CIA was lying.... I mean, I saved 25 of their jobs once, by accident again, and this evidently lead to them fighting the blacks, or that was going on before whis, which is what I believe. I may have started it though it seems like an enemy ploy. Why in the hell would I attack the blacks? Or the Jews -- ESPECIALLY back then.... nutty yahoo I made fun of until I realized how serious it all was and saw him and Obama on tv and nutty said something abut SOVERIGN COUNTRIES, RIGHT? I did not want to take over any countries...
Well, this has been an entry that will probably look good in my cia file... I do not think you could freedom of information anything on me, though the FBI would be the place to start. I remember when we first started taking over the FBI came on and said there has been no violence associated with this group... I wondered who the hell hey were, these people... and was glad that they knew we were peaceful... that was like the second or third day.... Things were good at times during this... it was not pure hell, people even seemed to celebrate me at times... I was the heart, in WOLF, RAM AND HART.. just like in Angel... where we the new generation would take over this evil machinery and make it run less evil....
To my comrades know, I do not want any violence now though I do not know your position. To the blacks I SAY you will never be attacked by me... unless, I don't know, you attack me, or try to genocide someone, like people with blue eyes, for instance. But you know I risked my life for you, and not as a mascot. A real life. I want to be set free if I am not already.... but I did not steal anybody's money. I would not do this. What I have done for this country is stop a take over by people who wanted to genocide the blacks. Never wanted to fight you and think we need to get to work against the oligarchy. We cannot afford to wait and you are first in their sights.. so....
I want my white comrades to follow along, to help the blacks in sniper attacks that make life hell for our enemy. I want freed so I can be with the people who worshipped me, and I want to care for them, as best I can.... You have no idea of honor or loyalty or justice.... I am tired of threats. People need to understand I will do anything I need to do, and slaughter my way out of Chicago and into a bit of money if I MUST.... your lives mean a lot to me, but your souls need more. Your flesh you would thank me of ridding you of this. After hell. Though of course not everyone goes there and people will be surprised who does and does not make that cut, I assure you.
I understand the skepticism intellectually though emotionally it pisses me off. My family, some involved in this business and some not... one who seems like he has been kept in the dark... like I was for many years about my mother's affiliations, refuses to believe my life. What do you do with someone who you tell what happened to you and they say, NO, THAT DID NOT HAPPEN. It is not like I have ever been paranoid, and scoffed at conspiracy theories altogether... they interested me, but the true histories I knew about the CIA and intelligence, however watered down and edited and etcetera interested me.
I assumed voting kind of ruled the world, but that it was rigged for the rich these days... Clinton did not seem like Democrat to me, and had a worse record on the environment than his predecessor. Regardless. I respected the system well after I should have been beyond that. After the brainwashing and being watched, and tortured, seemingly, by having so much of media geared toward me... because I had this huge web show and the tv people knew I watched, some hated me, some liked me... I had no idea behind this people were being killed, taken slaves, that an army was building to revolt that did not share one of my core values -- no color or religion or region or intelligence level or looks or any of that matters to me, and if people want to fight over that shit I think they are being divided and conquered.... which was done with the people under me, who at first I know were bi racial at first, then they fabricated a race war from a plea I wrote to Jessie Jackson to work with me. That ended with pick up the gauntlet or start your run. A metaphor... not an ultimatum and why would I write all I did only to end on that note? Then I had a run in with a local black racist.
It was ridiculous. One day at the bus stop I did not have my glasses on and was looking at him, not recognizing who he was... he thought I was trying to stare him down, I realized when I turned that way and he was standing right there, a head shorter than me.... kicking his ass would have been too easy. I just turned away and talked to mary ann, who was oblivious of the whole thing, and he quit waiting for a bus, walked away like a coward.... he could fight me, but was too nervous to get on the bus with me....
He was juvenile to get pissed at me over a mistake I made in days of a basketball game and called me a liar, said I was making it up? Why the hell I would do that? Anyways, he is a freak, one of those guys who actually made fun of me for being disabled, by comparing me to the developmentally disabled people he works with. A real dick. A racist behind whites backs... got he was so homophobic he told me that in acting school he refused to play a gay person.... then goes intoa story about some transsexual who he met, who he told they could be friends, but he was straight. I hope you are getting the picture of the odious individual we are talking about. Carries around a race card like a six foot by ten poster....
From these two events, all of my writing and actions for all of my life were dismissed, and these became the spark... boom. Everyone wanted the race war anyways, as far as I can tell... I am not sure. I would never have allowed such a thing if they had actually allowed me decision making power, though they did. Had they told me people were living underground, I would have done exactly what I did, told them to get out of there... I found out about this when a spy called me, not sure who he was, maybe black underground... anyways, he tells me, out of the blue, "I watched a science fiction movie last night where these people had been living underground, and when they were told they did not have to, they were pissed." This shit with me started in 07, when they told everyone I was the returned Christ... and this was like four years late. Then he adds, "Johnny and Steve caught a trout and a salmon at the pier last night."
Both of these sentences make sense only in a context I did not understand until the next day, when I said something about fish, and they blurted out BUSTED... talking about the phone call the night before. This is how I found out they were killing my Christian followers. I painted a Christ protecting all these fish flying to Heaven, and it caused a stir, telling me even more... They told me certain groups were gone... and I did know who they were talking about who they killed, though I assumed enemies to my cause, my beliefs, and the people who had threatened me with tortures and all kinds of things worse than death, which these folks consider a courtesy. Seriously fucked up people in this world, let me tell ya... and they are in charge.
The fish comment told me two people I bought weed from were CIA killers. This made sense later... one of them admitted what he was doing in the most bizarre way, took me aside after I had them over, and looked at me with a fanatical look I cannot quite describe, his blue eyes so serious... I knew some brainwashing had went into that mind.. and he told me, DON'T TELL THEM WHERE WE HID THE BONES. I had no idea about any bones, or what the fuck he was referring to.... again, later I found out what was done with the flesh...
I heard jokes on the tv about turning people into sausage who I did not like... I laughed as one would at a joke. I am not laughing now.
There is no way to say that any death in this was senseless to me... God has a plan. I am not privy of the big one, so I make much smaller ones... leave that to him. I would do so many things different had I known just one thing, that a webcam was going out to the public. Had I known this was beyond tv and radio.... not some weird head game on me.... I had no idea what I was a part of, just that people kept asking me questions about my politics and being surprised by what I had written was true all these years. I guess they thought I was lying, because lies are part of war. And this is a war between good and evil. THE TACTICS used to win were ... I do not want to second guess soldiers, or think I can put myself in your shoes. Always I was protected, in Chicago, the hot commodity different people were making money off of and paying nothing//// and when I found out where the money came from, once again, I could not take it... I am not a thief or a pirate. It is one thing to pirate for a revolution, another to pirate for personal profit. Or to harm peoples finances, regular people or movie stars... etc... BUT AGAIN... I do not know what happened out there.
They said one night on a tv show about finance HE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON... and I knew shit was happening, people dying, and there was nothing I could do because I HAD no idea what was going on.... well, telling me what was going would have destroyed me as the fall guy, and elicited stupid orders from me... like when I was stunned to hear an army was out there. I did not know.... and then I find out that we white racists are influencing the army, Nazi's and others... I was a puppet and various people had strings. I need not list them, which they would not like.... and though I knew of the groups, only a few, with obvious agendas, were known to me... most are a bit of a mystery. Sharks evidently are mad killers who care of no one or something. Funny, I called on sharks when I wrote the poem that got Jerry Fallwell killed. I was in a state from the brainwashing and soooooo fucking pissed that this shit was happening to me... and filled with being Jesus. Filled with odd, supernatural experiences, and having the tv suddenly showing all this stuff about me.... PROJECT BLUEBEAM USED THE TELEVISION and radio, or course, but that does not get out to the public. Just the confusing alien thing they did, you can look up, the ufo sighting at O HARE airport in Chicago, happened the same weekend they were inserting Jesus into me.
I bitched out Bush that first night, and he believed I was Jesus... amazing thing. I thought he was my enemy when he thought I was the returned Christ... we crossed wires, thank God, or I would be on display as the new Jesus. I may be Jesus, for all it matters... I have visions of his Life, seem to hear myself in his words, and etc... I act on the assumption I am here to write scripture, to give the people a Christianity that is true, and believable, and taken from history, as harsh as that is toward the rich and powerful, who wrote Jesus practically out of the bible.
I had enough impact at one point that they must be having some problems eradicating my popularity, though they have certainly destroyed my reputation with many.... all lies. A song came out about this talking about how I was always too late, for everything,, my entire life... it was such a bullshit thing to say. Unless someone came along and educated me, as they eventually did to a much greater extent, though that was inadvertent when they were interrogating me. Other songs came out, one saying he wanted to kill the socialists because his 401k went down... he would not need it if we socialized. Just pure bullshit. When I think of the people I worked with, and who knew all about this shit and continue, I am filled with disgust and then there is the part of me that is grateful you trusted me, even though the chain of command was compromised.
When I think of the morning I came out pissed and in pain and said to the tv, TODAY WE FIND OUT WHO LIVES AND DIES... I did not think people would make a big deal out of it... the spies and media people who wee aware of me seldom seemed to act on what I said, and when they did it was a big surprise to me.
I said things.... oh, God, if I had known my power. I see why they try to keep me in check because I would change the status quo, though it would be win win win win they do not get that, and yes, we will have to fight our way to peace, by replacing those in power with people who cut military spending two thirds, at least. Close bases all over the world, and dedicate that money, toward giving grants to countries to rebuild after we bombed the hell out of them.
There was a day we could have had a one world government ... I think. Certainly the states, much later, which I destroyed the day after it was announcing, by telling my people to attack a force that would have taken over with me evidently, who had done a horrible disservice to the county... I now realize. I only found out as they dropped away the groups that supported me were watching me all the time. God, how humiliating that must have been for you. I cannot even go near that shame in my mind, it is too gut wrenching, too mind melting, too much for my heart. Too fucking much for me to ever dismiss.
This is the story of a real man, who lives a real life, who is trying to find a context for my life in which I am not the villain. I never was and dammit that is what they are going to try to do, they could not get me thru their questioning and little court, which I did not realize was a court, just a bunch of tv people pissed at me, what else was now... your whole media world was unreal to me. I just wanted to watch tv, got cable, and see on seth green s show a guy in an ape suit, who was way too skinny for it...I had just lost forty pounds.... I was not back. I simply had cable tv again. But I came back and how, causing worlds more trouble, death and destruction without purpose, except revenge.... dig two graves as they say.
I want to be loved, like anyone... though I watched a documentary about Jim Carrey and he was talking about he painted what other people liked, and was always thinking about that... I am the opposite. I do not care about what the audience thinks, I care about what I think, considering me the only fair judge of whether I did my best or not. I sure did envy him his studio though... he gets all whacked out on percodens and weed and paints.... WHY NOT? Now that women know about his v.d. I an sure he will have some adjusting to do in the dating department, but rich men with good drugs, even diseased -- there are ways to get around some of them if told in advance... but I do not care about Jim Carrey and wish him well, as I do everyone except Bob Dylan who I have a very special hell designed for. He will get much longer than most.
I have not described much in this entry about the thesis, which is that those who cannot believe my writing have problems of their own; those who question the truth, should understand I was a witness, not a utube film watcher; and lastly, seen a shrink, though my pain clinic, for over twenty years and before during and after there was never a suggestion I was mentally ill.... I was certainly adversely effected as a human being when this started. My idea was to scare people, impress them, organize them, etc... I should not have said all kinds of things I did... but dammit, if I had just been greeted by real human beings. That was what I WANTED... not the damn isolation that drove me crazy.
Bush the idiot totally misjudged me.... though there is certainly a part of me that regrets not getting rid of all the Bushes when I could have, those are exactly the kind of actions I did not have enough intel to comment on.
The Puerto Rican PEOPLE are in my prayers today as a hurricane nears them. Like Mexico, they were with me from the beginning, and gave me great pride. I just want us to get along racially with everyone. That is my only request.... I would love the chance to repay your kindness and loyalty though I do not know how. Every person who worked for me, whether we are on the same side or now, I feel responsible for your injuries, and want you to have peace. Rather than be confused as an ape, which must be communist atheists, I do not know... I hate to admit that. I almost put on planet of the apes when they thought I was giving them all these signs and they reacted with seeming horror. I had armed guards upstairs, who banged on the ceiling if something was on I should really watch. It was odd as hell. They would bang I think if they liked something I said a lot, or when I was writing.... I could not tell if it was a warning or encouraging me and never bothered trying to figure it out. I never talked to them though they always called me boss when I ran into them. Later, during an episode of how I met your mother, an irish oriented, cia kind of thing... I guess... they were in some kind of desperate situation, and this was just before they turned on me, and they were asking what to do.... that they had already burned a ton of candles. This is something I had done that week.
I had no context for what they were sking, what should we do.... do with what.... I would never want people patterning their life after mine and tried to tell them that from the start. I was stunned to find out for awhile you must have been forced to watch or something.. I cannot understand the scope, when one day I went out to the suburbs, and ordered a diet coke in a bar I had never been in before and they all knew me, these old men, said something abut lawyers.... I was trying to find a lawyer at that point, but there is no sueing these people. I ordered a diet coke and one guy said, I guess we will be eating light tonight. HOW could I have an effect on that?
Those who are not aware of these events should understand this sounded much more crazy to me than this does written down to you... because I was given intelligence in bit and pieces... suddenly something called a dog whistle, a statement meaning something only to certain people and is missed by everyone else.... all the time. TOO much to remember, and too much I did not understand... which I refused to admit to them, just to keep the enemy off balance, I thought... instead I WAS umbalancing the world.
THIS was not my plan. I wanted unionization, marches, a famous guy who gave his millions to causes, etc... I wanted a nice house and a pool and to move somewhere warm, etc... I want all those things. I regret not taking money all the time before I catch myself. I do hate that you have taken the money... that none of it was untainted. I do not believe all the people believe in me are gone, either, and I would love to live out my life with them... I dream of a large tract of land in the middle of nowhere, though warm. Build a series of small, eco friendly cabins that fit in with the surrounding forest to the point they almost disappear. We could live and study and try to put together a new bible, or a way of looking at the old bibles, which churches that embrace will survive. Those who do not, well.... I do not want a cult, however, or followers. I would like sponsors to help this dream come true. I want a place where the wounded from all sides of this war could come and live, get treatment, learn they are all just humans,
I would like a place that would be a beacon to all those who want social change, and a true source, perhaps, of news built from real journalists on the ground from all over the world. No propaganda, just what they always wanted to write, and perhaps in their country they could not. I would love this to be in Cuba, because of the unspoiled fauna, and the leftist attitude that prevails with the government. I would like people to not just visit, but live there. Whatever country. Mexico would be great in a patch with law, or where the local smugglers consider us good customers and leave us alone. Certainly a ganja friendly environment. I hate to leave the states, though... I love the people and want to save them from a horrible future, and I can't
I could make it a whole hell of a lot better if people listened to me, though I do not know if enough will in time. We need more than a class war... that seems to entail the rich against the poor... which is not the way to do this. TRILLIONAIRES and some BILLIONAIRES are the problem, not millionaires... I would that we were all millionaires, and I would make those with excessive wealth come down to earth. Anyone who cannot make a life on ten million dollars can fight, and die... and then all your family will die, and all your guards, and .... they will probably take the head of the snake and live out their lives bought out on the beach.
Class wars that make millionaires into enemies make no sense to me. They could fund the revolution through voluntary contributions, because they will win in the end, and we will take what is not offered.. contribute, I will not take more than a third. If you do not, I will take half. Though if I have to fight you, I will still give your children a million each if you have less than ten, though you and your spouses, if you love her, will get nothing except a bullet to stop you from making more trouble. Per the rules of war, you will kill this person, not my soldiers.
We will rid the US of the influence of large corporations. Those who give us trouble we will socialize in a way, really make the employees the owners, more tot he point. And the primary stock holders//// I would not do this with small businesses, but BP, well, they will be driven from these shores, that is for sure... you should have bombed the hell out them when you had the chance, and Buckingham palace.... no, I am joking. About Buckingham palace. The brit's need a snobby, rich person to steal money from them, who am I to tell them to remove a parasite.
We start in the states, black and whites, new Christians, the fbi, whoever will defect from the cia, and any military people who can be awoken to the situation. Before we openly had the military, now we must have people everywhere, though they must be ready to mutiny when the time comes, because Trump appointed leaders cannot be trusted. Even if they say they will go along, and want to, they will be relieved of command and remanded to their cabins, and not able to communicate with anyone except me. I am talking the larger ships, of course, and the nuclear submarine operators. This is not a Chinese endeavor, as much as I respect them and am grateful for their commitment to my free speech, and saving my life. This is a US operation. We need as much foreign assistance as possible, though in the end, we set up a democratic republic, after cleaning the slate of present politicians, changing campaign finance reform law, and setting term limits... and all kinds of restrictions on who they can take a dime from.
I am not going after the mob again.... I do not care what you do to a certain degree. Let us be and you will get the same from me, as long as slavery is cut off. That is where the line gets drawn. I will do everything in my power to destroy slave owners. I NOW understand the depth of your horrors in this and feel sorry for those of you who carried out these orders. They were not the cia's to give, or anyone's. I am not the Joker. I have been law abiding compared to a politician, or a cop. Not that this is a very high bar, I have been very moral most of my life, with the exception of drunken episodes and other things... we all make mistakes, sometimes a few times, before we learn the lesson needed to move on.
When the world could finally ask me questions, after this had been barred, to the point of a voice once coming on tv and saying, NO QUESTIONS, AND NOBODY DIE. Damn, I had no clue what was going on... but when the were able to ask me questions, when people were not getting beaten for talking me down as they did with my initial allies... another thing I laughed at when I saw on seth greens show and thought it was bullshit... anyways, what I am slowly getting at is one of the first questions they asked was, SHOULD PEOPLE FIX THEIR ANIMALS... all because I made jokes about bob barker wanting my cats balls. But why the fuck was that at the top of the list... I am trying to remember what they asked me... once during an awards show, when I was one top and believe I ordered certain parties to do certain things.. though I hardly meant what they did I take full responsibility for that one. He tried to get me to acknowledge him thru the tv, which he knew was a webcam... I considered this annoying as hell, people coming into my living room unbidden... well, he said something and when I did not respond, he goes, FROM CHAPLIN? Like I did not know who he was... he then went on to kill a stuffed animal at the podium, and say THEY WERE OUR BEST BREEDING STOCK.... mel Gibson was the table in front with Jodie foster, and he gave her the hamster.... now I am not sure why. I LIKE THE Jodie Foster I read about in the press, and do not hate Gibson for his religious beliefs, or what he believes about Jews -- the think enough strange things about themselves, what is one more?
Anyways, they did something that I could not believe the whole world was not aware.... how could people explain this to themselves if they were not involved? Am I that well known? If so, has the top secrecy order in place just made me seem to go away, like superman killing himself... like they wanted me to do. I guess in a way I did, to end the fascist regime built up around me, which may hae been of the belief that we would become a theocratic nation of sorts. I do not like how mixed up politics is with religion, and would separate the two if it were possible.
I know this all sounds like a dream that could never happen... well, I have made great things and horrible things with words..... so who knows, perhaps God will smile on humanity and your leaders will finally come to me. I suppose I have no idea how toxic my name is... like those bastards on dr who have the episode about this pedophile who declares they are angels... because they lived though they should be dead.... I should have died from many things that happened in my life which is a huge part of my legend. That along with people like Bono believing I grew wings as a child does a number on your head... especially when you have two weird scars on your back and had a year of radiation when I was five, and as a babe I dreamt of driving and flying... and in the end, drove basically for living. I cannot verify any of this. The operation goes so deep they might have given me the scars and the radiation was faked or something to make this seem true, though I do not care what I believe or others... something happened, and whether it was subterfuge for a mission forty years later, or I started to grow wings. The latter makes a strange sense since they also tried to call me an alien.
I meant to write this before that I bitched out Bush who was a believer until he went back to his old ways... the next day, Christopher hitchens is on tv saying why would an alien speak of heaven and hell... I did not even remember much of what I SAID to Bush and others that night, but I have never much believed in hell and backed off my statement, as best I could. I wondered how this looked at the tine? Like I was taking orders? I do not really understand the UFO part, but it happened and you can look it up, made wikapedia, maybe because they know the real story and print what bit they can...
I now think in terms of a hell where people go and experience all the pain they have caused others over and over again, putting them in every situation from the other persons view, with their feeling life, when he burned them. Depending on how evil their life has been, this process of learning lessons from their mistakes takes no time... because they go where there is not time.. it seems like eternity, though it is the merest of a split second before they burst into the world of soul and that knowledge returns to them... they chose a specific life to live for their own reasons. Often that means a poor life, a sickly life, etc... they choose bodies that are handicapped to save this burden from others, and many things go into this... so many they rush at me when I think of them... people want to be near other people, marry their spouse again, be with the same pets again, and all of this is possible.... perhaps this life they have some making up to do for the last one..... I do not know.
I do believe everyone goes to heaven. Everyone. I believe I have a job to do which requires me to put this off, what I have been doing here. You think things are bad here, at least you had progress... some planet life dies long before the mind that can perceive of itself ... the molecules break up and the universes inside them live on and the one inside that and..... forever and ever amen. The complexities, and sheer size of space is ungraspable. No point in asking the unanswerable when there is so much around us that can be scientifically quantified.... to this day I trust science more than religion on all but one point, there is a creator, a great being, intelligent and amused and saddened and... a being of pure love, who gave us a holy ghost of pure love, we can choose to listen to or not. Choose is not the right word...
I do not know why some get religion and some do not. I do not have to take a leap of faith, too much has happened for me not to believe, and I tried .... though I did not believe in God when I published my first two books, post brainwashing I do, and I still have the voice of Jesus. Most of my life though I did believe in God, though he was much more nebulous than the Christian God, and did not seem to give a shit about our day to day life which I still kind of think is true. I believe that is what I am here for. God created you, and you will return to him a separate being all yourself, not him... he used to laugh at me, and that takes surprise. Perhaps he has to force some part of himself to shut down so he can hear things anew. I am not sure though I love the sound of his laughter... I feel him the day I told him I did not want to destroy a planet, laughing at me... my free will. He must have been waiting for one of us to discover this, since on my planet, we are soul travelers who go all over, and since time does not exist for us, it is nothing to watch a planet go thru its' entire life cycle from speck of dust in space to thriving planets filled with life back to bits of dust in space... as I will earth.
I told you once we would fight our way through the universe... a metaphor for fighting the evil on the planet... though I think it was taken literally at the time, and I felt it could be true, as I did so many things when I first discovered the idea there was a God and I was Jesus... very different than the myths, but the man who once incarnated in a black, Jewish, Essenes body. I had a father and a mother like anyone else though there were many signs and omens and supersticion surrounding me even then. He was very different than I am. He fought directly, as a revolutionary... like myself, he did not want to be a chaplin, he wanted to fight,.... now I wish the God I had chose chaplain for the enlisted men.
I still love all you soldiers and sailors so much... I want you home and at peace..... I will NEVER ABANDON YOU... it may look like it at times, but those are either my own lack of intelligence, or more than likely, lies about me, things done on cia orders I would never give. I hope to God one show that said I had taken over the CIA was lying.... I mean, I saved 25 of their jobs once, by accident again, and this evidently lead to them fighting the blacks, or that was going on before whis, which is what I believe. I may have started it though it seems like an enemy ploy. Why in the hell would I attack the blacks? Or the Jews -- ESPECIALLY back then.... nutty yahoo I made fun of until I realized how serious it all was and saw him and Obama on tv and nutty said something abut SOVERIGN COUNTRIES, RIGHT? I did not want to take over any countries...
Well, this has been an entry that will probably look good in my cia file... I do not think you could freedom of information anything on me, though the FBI would be the place to start. I remember when we first started taking over the FBI came on and said there has been no violence associated with this group... I wondered who the hell hey were, these people... and was glad that they knew we were peaceful... that was like the second or third day.... Things were good at times during this... it was not pure hell, people even seemed to celebrate me at times... I was the heart, in WOLF, RAM AND HART.. just like in Angel... where we the new generation would take over this evil machinery and make it run less evil....
To my comrades know, I do not want any violence now though I do not know your position. To the blacks I SAY you will never be attacked by me... unless, I don't know, you attack me, or try to genocide someone, like people with blue eyes, for instance. But you know I risked my life for you, and not as a mascot. A real life. I want to be set free if I am not already.... but I did not steal anybody's money. I would not do this. What I have done for this country is stop a take over by people who wanted to genocide the blacks. Never wanted to fight you and think we need to get to work against the oligarchy. We cannot afford to wait and you are first in their sights.. so....
I want my white comrades to follow along, to help the blacks in sniper attacks that make life hell for our enemy. I want freed so I can be with the people who worshipped me, and I want to care for them, as best I can.... You have no idea of honor or loyalty or justice.... I am tired of threats. People need to understand I will do anything I need to do, and slaughter my way out of Chicago and into a bit of money if I MUST.... your lives mean a lot to me, but your souls need more. Your flesh you would thank me of ridding you of this. After hell. Though of course not everyone goes there and people will be surprised who does and does not make that cut, I assure you.
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