The FICTIONALIZATION THERE OF...
I set out to be a prominent fiction writer, had the talent and the training and encouragement to develop into an extraordinary poet. Little else. Well, and drive. A need, really, to write after awhile. Now I know my words will forever only be political or religious, not matter what I do with them. There can be no going back before, and just being a popular writer based on my talent, readability, ideas. Forever they will cage this bird.
I never meant for the things to happen which did. I had no idea I was going to be treated any differently than other people... well, there was one massive clue, like a dream... nothing else. I did not see my life any differently than others, at first.
Even now the pretense of normalcy is all that gets me by. Pretending nothing horrifying has happened in my life, or is yet to come. I have yet to have a reckoning, for myself, or for those who I will be the reckoning. There can be no other way. I will go out with a bang that will make Hunger S. Thompson's exploding fist a mere mockery of modern times, not a complete and total statement of destruction. Problems arise. Chicago must survive. I will not allow the base here to go unless we are over-run, and then I will certainly go down with the ship. There would be nothing else worth living for. We will destroy their atmosphere if they try to genocide us. Best we can do, and a horror to the plants and animals. There is even a part of me that says my judgement on these people will kill innocent animals and plants. Their plan might -- and the is a big MIGHT.... save them.
There are much better ways to deal with the world crises, but humans think in short term goals... they do not even realize it. A couple thousand years is nothing. You have to think ten thousand years from now, when humans, should they survive, will live in covered cities rising miles into the sky... the plants and animals will be allowed their world again, and we will be caretakers. Fine words but the path to get there makes the words sheer sloganeering. Sloganeering for a better life, or any life.
My life is worth preserving in that I do not wish to cause the pain to the living, and I could not abandon my mission. When you think you have won you have failed.
You should always fight like you are losing, your back against the corner and the demons piling on. Otherwise you should be discussing the matter. The situations where one should go to war are so minute. Only bloody conquerors have armies like ours.
I have been seeing signs that the side that once thought I was on their side, without telling me what they stood for, now realize, I am not. I had hoped that when I gave them mercy, they would take the hint and back off, and instead... they regrouped. I felt sorrow that these people had been tricked into thinking I would lead racists who did not believe in simple things like mixed marriages. I am very progressive in my thinking, where-as the Christianity taught around me, as they used me operation bluebeam for Christ in o7... complete with the ufo, which is on wikkipedia, at Ohare airport, same weekend they brain washed me. Regardless, this confusion almost cost me my life, as well as being tossed into a race war, which I find a divide and conquer tactic, and refuse to be tricked into, other than saving the oppressed and bringing Justice to the situation.
The people who thought they were acting on my orders, who fought and died cheering me when I felt like no one in the world gave a damn about me... when they did, they were just all on the net, or watching me on the fucking ILLEGAL WEBCAMS they put in my house, neighborhood... making tons of money off all the people watching Christ.
The war is on in the underground. A gauntlet was thrown down in vegas with the mass shooting. Someone sent a message. Las Vegas, and my people in Denver, whom I do not know, and can only offer them what I can, listen to their stories, and learn from them what happened, how this happened, what must be learned, and how we move on... with Justice our only Leader. No God at the head of the Army, necessarily, just a need for justice, and that will mean Peace. We will have to fight for peace. I was ridiculed for this stance by tommy smothers on an awards show, and they took his life for it when I wrote back at him.... thinking as I lived in a roach filled apartment that the entire world had turned against me, when instead they were just out of reach.
I had asked for a normal life... I made many mistakes of expecting nothing to happen so I accepted nothing. I never expected big stars to call me or agents, when I wrote that in 07 when I was suddenly all popular from the mission, Bluebeam, though I thought it was people finding out Christ existed. Though I was surrounded by spies who told me the opposite of what I was seeing in the streets, their jobs. I was supposed to live a cover personality, etc. I had no clue what was going on, other than the eternal shifts inside of me, the religion, seemed more important than real life. It was thought I started this movement and then abandoned it. I did not want violence, and I had no idea I would be made homeless by this. I expected fame and money and nothing changed. I did not realize the trouble I was causing.
When I think of these times, how I blurted out things like Gays are angels... I could have said, some gays are angels... but really, I should have said nothing about angels, having never given them much thought until I was called one, and something deep inside me said NO, I AM NOT AN ANGEL.. I am this other thing. I hated being confused with angels for some reason... perhaps should I meet one outside of fantasies of seeing them in heaven, nodding hello... during the brief respite as spirit before the gravity of flesh once more drags my spirit back into another birth. I was so stunned by the thought of their being a Christ at all, that I explored all kinds of ideas as possible....
I wanted to be alone in a cave, but that was not part of the mission, no I was supposed to be out there stirring up the crowds....
Until I wrote ATTACK... and all sorts of revolutionaries, from Islamic extremists to a group of womyn who Bush burned and is attempting to erase from history; not while I will live, will their corpses remain buried in files supposedly opened in fifty years -- like the CIA will reveal mass murder. They were the first step I see now...
Into a river of blood.... I wrote and it came true. Violence flew from my fingers, as my rage at a system that had used me, then discarded me, and seemingly destroyed my ability to make a living, after working all my damn life to be a writer.. and I would not could not stop writing in the voice of Jesus. I feel as if this rock I build my world upon cannot crumble, without taking my sanity with it... too much blood has been spilled. I have to believe this is God's plan. I know it was never mine. I have to rely on those who know this situation better than I do to come forward, and lead our people to the side of the people, the masses, and fight the oligarchy.... we must have treaties with which all groups agree to give up fortunes to save the planet. Robin Hood for a change. Billionaires and trillionaires.... not theft from the entertainers and insurance and all the clever shit that came to light, after I had preached about how I liked having a lot of insurance. I MEANT that I was prepared for attack...
This became what it did, because I had no idea who all I had brought to the party... what they were doing to raise money.
Where did it go.... I was crazed at first, the second time it was heart breaking crime, not some fucking reality show. When people on the tv could obviously see into my apartment on the webcams, I would be surprised, react... it was too stunning to believe it was happening.
I never meant for the things to happen which did. I had no idea I was going to be treated any differently than other people... well, there was one massive clue, like a dream... nothing else. I did not see my life any differently than others, at first.
Even now the pretense of normalcy is all that gets me by. Pretending nothing horrifying has happened in my life, or is yet to come. I have yet to have a reckoning, for myself, or for those who I will be the reckoning. There can be no other way. I will go out with a bang that will make Hunger S. Thompson's exploding fist a mere mockery of modern times, not a complete and total statement of destruction. Problems arise. Chicago must survive. I will not allow the base here to go unless we are over-run, and then I will certainly go down with the ship. There would be nothing else worth living for. We will destroy their atmosphere if they try to genocide us. Best we can do, and a horror to the plants and animals. There is even a part of me that says my judgement on these people will kill innocent animals and plants. Their plan might -- and the is a big MIGHT.... save them.
There are much better ways to deal with the world crises, but humans think in short term goals... they do not even realize it. A couple thousand years is nothing. You have to think ten thousand years from now, when humans, should they survive, will live in covered cities rising miles into the sky... the plants and animals will be allowed their world again, and we will be caretakers. Fine words but the path to get there makes the words sheer sloganeering. Sloganeering for a better life, or any life.
My life is worth preserving in that I do not wish to cause the pain to the living, and I could not abandon my mission. When you think you have won you have failed.
You should always fight like you are losing, your back against the corner and the demons piling on. Otherwise you should be discussing the matter. The situations where one should go to war are so minute. Only bloody conquerors have armies like ours.
I have been seeing signs that the side that once thought I was on their side, without telling me what they stood for, now realize, I am not. I had hoped that when I gave them mercy, they would take the hint and back off, and instead... they regrouped. I felt sorrow that these people had been tricked into thinking I would lead racists who did not believe in simple things like mixed marriages. I am very progressive in my thinking, where-as the Christianity taught around me, as they used me operation bluebeam for Christ in o7... complete with the ufo, which is on wikkipedia, at Ohare airport, same weekend they brain washed me. Regardless, this confusion almost cost me my life, as well as being tossed into a race war, which I find a divide and conquer tactic, and refuse to be tricked into, other than saving the oppressed and bringing Justice to the situation.
The people who thought they were acting on my orders, who fought and died cheering me when I felt like no one in the world gave a damn about me... when they did, they were just all on the net, or watching me on the fucking ILLEGAL WEBCAMS they put in my house, neighborhood... making tons of money off all the people watching Christ.
The war is on in the underground. A gauntlet was thrown down in vegas with the mass shooting. Someone sent a message. Las Vegas, and my people in Denver, whom I do not know, and can only offer them what I can, listen to their stories, and learn from them what happened, how this happened, what must be learned, and how we move on... with Justice our only Leader. No God at the head of the Army, necessarily, just a need for justice, and that will mean Peace. We will have to fight for peace. I was ridiculed for this stance by tommy smothers on an awards show, and they took his life for it when I wrote back at him.... thinking as I lived in a roach filled apartment that the entire world had turned against me, when instead they were just out of reach.
I had asked for a normal life... I made many mistakes of expecting nothing to happen so I accepted nothing. I never expected big stars to call me or agents, when I wrote that in 07 when I was suddenly all popular from the mission, Bluebeam, though I thought it was people finding out Christ existed. Though I was surrounded by spies who told me the opposite of what I was seeing in the streets, their jobs. I was supposed to live a cover personality, etc. I had no clue what was going on, other than the eternal shifts inside of me, the religion, seemed more important than real life. It was thought I started this movement and then abandoned it. I did not want violence, and I had no idea I would be made homeless by this. I expected fame and money and nothing changed. I did not realize the trouble I was causing.
When I think of these times, how I blurted out things like Gays are angels... I could have said, some gays are angels... but really, I should have said nothing about angels, having never given them much thought until I was called one, and something deep inside me said NO, I AM NOT AN ANGEL.. I am this other thing. I hated being confused with angels for some reason... perhaps should I meet one outside of fantasies of seeing them in heaven, nodding hello... during the brief respite as spirit before the gravity of flesh once more drags my spirit back into another birth. I was so stunned by the thought of their being a Christ at all, that I explored all kinds of ideas as possible....
I wanted to be alone in a cave, but that was not part of the mission, no I was supposed to be out there stirring up the crowds....
Until I wrote ATTACK... and all sorts of revolutionaries, from Islamic extremists to a group of womyn who Bush burned and is attempting to erase from history; not while I will live, will their corpses remain buried in files supposedly opened in fifty years -- like the CIA will reveal mass murder. They were the first step I see now...
Into a river of blood.... I wrote and it came true. Violence flew from my fingers, as my rage at a system that had used me, then discarded me, and seemingly destroyed my ability to make a living, after working all my damn life to be a writer.. and I would not could not stop writing in the voice of Jesus. I feel as if this rock I build my world upon cannot crumble, without taking my sanity with it... too much blood has been spilled. I have to believe this is God's plan. I know it was never mine. I have to rely on those who know this situation better than I do to come forward, and lead our people to the side of the people, the masses, and fight the oligarchy.... we must have treaties with which all groups agree to give up fortunes to save the planet. Robin Hood for a change. Billionaires and trillionaires.... not theft from the entertainers and insurance and all the clever shit that came to light, after I had preached about how I liked having a lot of insurance. I MEANT that I was prepared for attack...
This became what it did, because I had no idea who all I had brought to the party... what they were doing to raise money.
Where did it go.... I was crazed at first, the second time it was heart breaking crime, not some fucking reality show. When people on the tv could obviously see into my apartment on the webcams, I would be surprised, react... it was too stunning to believe it was happening.
Comments
Post a Comment