THE NEVER ENDING MISSION... once you are in you are in over your head
A certain level of allies with power are needed to sustain oneself in the shadow world. Where all the different powers rule from behind the scenes, and some hate you with a passion you understand, when you let yourself be filled with the hatreds the war has left in your chest. The first time I understood my actions were having consequences, I was coming out of a near black out, where I had ranted against doctors, which was stupid. My blaming them for my pain is not something I do in my mind.
That frame of mind came as a consequence of the brain washing, I guess. The drugs they put in the water in my refrigerator. They told me this was happening, and I knew the tv actors could hear me, were addressing me... I did not understand why???? I did not understand who I was dealing with, what was happening in this world, how I was being used, or by which side, if I shared their philosophy or not? I still thought I was dealing with a government, not realizing I had indeed become the defacto leader of a group who were killing people, believing that I had written every word as scripture.... from a violent comedy writer, and a book criticizing exactly what happened to children, rose a movement that triggered bizarre acts of violence. I was told them once, one after another the things people had done, and I said, I forgive them, and they told me of a woman who killed her husband and children, and I said, FORGIVE THEM..... they had been told, by priests and others who I had nothing to do with, that I wanted these things to happen.
I wrote often of violence later, in a revolutionary sense, where I meant every word I wrote. But others acted on words I meant as jokes, not road maps to revolutionary success. With no clear way of even seeing the battle field, no information coming in that told me what was happening. If I had been told what was happening I would have found a way to stop this. I remember England and thinking, Why out of nowhere am I being asked these questions... I would not have written what I had if I thought England would be attacked, or maybe I would have, if I had any intelligence on the matter.
The lack of communication left me twice surprised. I know this was another's plan, and I do know how much I hijacked it and how much I just rode on the backs of criminals who I did not know were there. I welcomed everyone to my religion, after the brainwashing, called all to gather together and be forgiven. I was very surprised how seriously I was being taken...
If I had known... who benefited from my ignorance? I was pissed that I had been used. To take over the world... they announced they were going to replace the American flags, with six's because I had taken over... all THAT POWER MINE. The next day I used that power to attack the people who
Who had done these crimes in my name... I thought... and blamed them. I leave it up to history whether justice was done or not, though I pray a peace has been made. I am not poking that bear again. I do not care about criminals doing their thing. I have always been live and let live and leave that up to the cops.
=This situation was extraordinary though. I feel like if you had allowed me to go the people who called themselves acolytes right from the start, that I could have changed the world, but I never did, that was not part of the plan. God when I think of the night I painted a warrior God protecting fish as they swam thru space towards heaven. This is in when I knew what you were doing. God I hated you then. Why would I order such a thing? I heard them telling me the mullets are gone... and others... listened in as others did what they were going to do... I had no idea I could change one damn thing.
I realized people wanted to worship me... and I feel even now the Christ in my heart, as I see myself shown as a general driving a red car, with once penguins, the Mexicans, riding beside me, showing they were on my side. I was bewildered by what this one. Later, when I was being criticized as a stripper, and shit... God, the thought of all these people watching me. Judging me like I was a tv show. I hated that I was being watched and made the best of it. I did not understand why I was being judged by people like that? I mean, spies were watching me, telling tv people about me... this is what I knew. Everyone else in the audience was unknown to me. One night they asked me to put lights in the back of the room on... like I was going to help them watch me.... another night I heard we have watched a dirty sink for two weeks.... a camera in the kitchen, they later told me... I felt so trapped. Under a microscope that I bitched to.... told stories to.... no one knew who I was, I thought......
Now that I know I still kind of have no idea what my standing is. I know of the blood spilled because of my writing. I also know that this was someone's plan, not mine. I had an entirely different world going in my mind, then the one that existed when I came onto the scene. I had to guess what to do, or refuse to answer.... I did not know I was supposed to do.
I was a trigger in a gun pulled by another's finger. A peaceable man who was not afraid of a fight. A threat to the order. A God to many... the New Christ. I saw it painted white and black like the masonic squares, and I shook my head, NO. I wanted change in the existing religions, not to create my own. I disavow most of scripture, and live by the golden rule, I treat you how you treat me, and I been done real, real wrong so far... SAYS THE ALWAYS THERE JESUS, Possibly inserted in my head, though I still feel like He placed His SON in a position to say no to temptation. The Irony of God I used to write about a lot. I had to make religious sense of events that made no sense. I remember when our slight dialog began, I wrote all things had to come through the son to get to the Father.... and no, GOD has no sex.... I write He for the convention alone. ... I thought you were asking me questions about religion...
God, what I wanted was to be connected to a view of what was really happening.? How I would and will react-- very different. I was so naïve. It made no sense to me, all the different sides. I had drawn the Jewish sign and the Nazi sign on tombstones, thinking we had to bury hatreds like that. Not that we had to attack anyone. I did not think to explain such things.... I was just drawing and I did not expect people to GET them. I then had a spy come over and say, if you go after the hells angels, they will throw you in jail. I had nothing against anyone personally, and was not thinking of them when I wrote this. I did not want people going after Jews either, would not want anyone stereotyped into one group and judged. Everyone is an individual, with views that vary. Unique.
That frame of mind came as a consequence of the brain washing, I guess. The drugs they put in the water in my refrigerator. They told me this was happening, and I knew the tv actors could hear me, were addressing me... I did not understand why???? I did not understand who I was dealing with, what was happening in this world, how I was being used, or by which side, if I shared their philosophy or not? I still thought I was dealing with a government, not realizing I had indeed become the defacto leader of a group who were killing people, believing that I had written every word as scripture.... from a violent comedy writer, and a book criticizing exactly what happened to children, rose a movement that triggered bizarre acts of violence. I was told them once, one after another the things people had done, and I said, I forgive them, and they told me of a woman who killed her husband and children, and I said, FORGIVE THEM..... they had been told, by priests and others who I had nothing to do with, that I wanted these things to happen.
I wrote often of violence later, in a revolutionary sense, where I meant every word I wrote. But others acted on words I meant as jokes, not road maps to revolutionary success. With no clear way of even seeing the battle field, no information coming in that told me what was happening. If I had been told what was happening I would have found a way to stop this. I remember England and thinking, Why out of nowhere am I being asked these questions... I would not have written what I had if I thought England would be attacked, or maybe I would have, if I had any intelligence on the matter.
The lack of communication left me twice surprised. I know this was another's plan, and I do know how much I hijacked it and how much I just rode on the backs of criminals who I did not know were there. I welcomed everyone to my religion, after the brainwashing, called all to gather together and be forgiven. I was very surprised how seriously I was being taken...
If I had known... who benefited from my ignorance? I was pissed that I had been used. To take over the world... they announced they were going to replace the American flags, with six's because I had taken over... all THAT POWER MINE. The next day I used that power to attack the people who
Who had done these crimes in my name... I thought... and blamed them. I leave it up to history whether justice was done or not, though I pray a peace has been made. I am not poking that bear again. I do not care about criminals doing their thing. I have always been live and let live and leave that up to the cops.
=This situation was extraordinary though. I feel like if you had allowed me to go the people who called themselves acolytes right from the start, that I could have changed the world, but I never did, that was not part of the plan. God when I think of the night I painted a warrior God protecting fish as they swam thru space towards heaven. This is in when I knew what you were doing. God I hated you then. Why would I order such a thing? I heard them telling me the mullets are gone... and others... listened in as others did what they were going to do... I had no idea I could change one damn thing.
I realized people wanted to worship me... and I feel even now the Christ in my heart, as I see myself shown as a general driving a red car, with once penguins, the Mexicans, riding beside me, showing they were on my side. I was bewildered by what this one. Later, when I was being criticized as a stripper, and shit... God, the thought of all these people watching me. Judging me like I was a tv show. I hated that I was being watched and made the best of it. I did not understand why I was being judged by people like that? I mean, spies were watching me, telling tv people about me... this is what I knew. Everyone else in the audience was unknown to me. One night they asked me to put lights in the back of the room on... like I was going to help them watch me.... another night I heard we have watched a dirty sink for two weeks.... a camera in the kitchen, they later told me... I felt so trapped. Under a microscope that I bitched to.... told stories to.... no one knew who I was, I thought......
Now that I know I still kind of have no idea what my standing is. I know of the blood spilled because of my writing. I also know that this was someone's plan, not mine. I had an entirely different world going in my mind, then the one that existed when I came onto the scene. I had to guess what to do, or refuse to answer.... I did not know I was supposed to do.
I was a trigger in a gun pulled by another's finger. A peaceable man who was not afraid of a fight. A threat to the order. A God to many... the New Christ. I saw it painted white and black like the masonic squares, and I shook my head, NO. I wanted change in the existing religions, not to create my own. I disavow most of scripture, and live by the golden rule, I treat you how you treat me, and I been done real, real wrong so far... SAYS THE ALWAYS THERE JESUS, Possibly inserted in my head, though I still feel like He placed His SON in a position to say no to temptation. The Irony of God I used to write about a lot. I had to make religious sense of events that made no sense. I remember when our slight dialog began, I wrote all things had to come through the son to get to the Father.... and no, GOD has no sex.... I write He for the convention alone. ... I thought you were asking me questions about religion...
God, what I wanted was to be connected to a view of what was really happening.? How I would and will react-- very different. I was so naïve. It made no sense to me, all the different sides. I had drawn the Jewish sign and the Nazi sign on tombstones, thinking we had to bury hatreds like that. Not that we had to attack anyone. I did not think to explain such things.... I was just drawing and I did not expect people to GET them. I then had a spy come over and say, if you go after the hells angels, they will throw you in jail. I had nothing against anyone personally, and was not thinking of them when I wrote this. I did not want people going after Jews either, would not want anyone stereotyped into one group and judged. Everyone is an individual, with views that vary. Unique.
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