steel reeling

Superman, too skinny for the suit, as I was after losing forty pounds, depressed as hell by my misunderstanding of what was happening around me.   I was being watched on all these webcams.... I had never imagined this was something people would think I wanted... that I got off on having them around.  I grew used to them, dealt with them the best I could, hid my hatred under a poker face.

I think of times it came out that I cannot even understand now, that I am out of the state of madness caused by the media affront, and the general confusion I was experiencing.  I would stand at the back door, smoking, staring out.  John Ham mentioned this.  MY LEADER STARES OUT THE BACK DOOR SMOKING.  I did not know what you were doing or I would have given more answers than I was qualified to.

You left out the key ingredient ...  keeping someone you looked to for leadership informed on current events, or made decisions on your own, based on what you knew.   I understand this better now that I am no longer in a position of leadership anything near what  I was before.  The rise of Oprah tells me this, a Nazi, to hear the democrats might run her....   there really is a Nazi threat to a lot of people, whites included, with Oprah.  Before I realized I had promoted Nazi's, Oprah and I were great friends in the media, and she said great things about me, which was fine...  I wore the color brown, and they took this as their color, to mean I had made some choice????   I only wore the coat because a friend left it over, and I had no knowledge the world was broken into so many factions, such a deadly place, with so many players.  I do not know what everyone was doing, etc...  to ignorant to judge anyone, other than hear the word Nazi and make it suddenly unsafe for her here.  That she got the last interview with the outgoing president is a pretty fucked up sign in my world.

I keep thinking people will work together, forget how much blood they have spilled of each other.   The hatred bred.  The...  horrors unspeakable.

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