HOW DO YOU 'JUST NOT THINK ABOUT' the deaths of thousands, many on your orders.
I think about the dead everyday. Those I ordered, and those who died under my orders... and those that had nothing to do with my orders, just know about them.... I am not a psychopath, or fearful enough, to go along with the plans I heard among the circles that really run the world. I fight them still, though the blood fighting has died down. I hate the thought of being a monster at war again, though I can see no future that does not entail more fighting, nor it seems can anyone else I work with to stop the genocidal oligarchy.
Once I criticized my security and made a big deal out of some guy coming to my apartment, and ambushing mary ann and I coming out of our apartment... on line I bitched and complained, and said I wanted hi hut, etc... never thinking anyone would take me seriously. I was pissed that he would not stop and talk to me. That he ran off when I tried to approach him, evoking all kinds of weird scenarios in my mind... when they began to ask me questions, he was brought up... I would have never hurt him, Ever. I tried to scare him. Later I would also try this with the gangs and that was no solution at all.... but still, a warning of sorts. I would do things differently.
I forgive myself for the deaths that where caused when I wrote in ignorance of the power given my words. I do not regret the decisions I made, because I wrote almost nothing that had not been written by my peers, or people in the past. I had started a revolution that was unexpected from the guy who was supposed to play Christ in their dream of taking over the world. When I figured out that sports was being targeted like I had some hatred for people who play sports... was too ridiculous for me to have thought you would have thought it. But the cult that grew around this new religion, which it is coming to be, even if the Catholic Church and others are their shells, saw stopping the carnival to fight, as a target against a specific enemy of concentration, rather than the other two I MENTIONED... BREAD AND CARNIVAL dates back to Rome as a way to dissolve dissent, That was all I meant. Stop these things for awhile and fight. Not harm those who would disagree with me. They got that right, they sure got that right, to quote lynard skynard.
The deaths caused by my comment to the Marines early on, and those later that I wrote in a trance demanded as retribution for something I did not understand....
I needed counsel and for that you need criticism, and while I got this very occasionally, it was not enough to break through the paradigm on which I based my life since childhood. Half the time I could not believe the things that were happening... why I was being asked questions? If the actions needed done, they should have taken them... I think when I contemplate New York, when they tried to evacuate because we were about to bomb the fuck out of them and shit... I sometimes wish you had done these things, though I am glad you did not. That was not God's plan. I did not come here to take over the material world. I told you long ago BURN THE MONEY... and thought
That I could have ran all of this better than the people around me with the right knowledge will never be known, because mistakes were made both by those who believed they knew better than I, and those who believed that I knew everything. The short stories were maybe merely that, or perhaps they were unconscious orders from God, coming thru me before the awakening, as they seem to have done all my life when I was writing. A power some called the muse comes sometimes when you are writing and all effort is given to allowing her to fill you and move your fingers to her words... Mine was God, and the memories of being Jesus Christ, and too many others for your numbers to understand.
I write in this back and forth between voices, I was brainwashed in 07 and the voice of Christ rose in me, and though it was a very back and forth thing, the brain washing caused my world to change forever, as did the fact that I was thrown into the middle of a Intelligence operation way larger than me, in the works for better than sixty years...
LATER WHEN I BECAME MORE SCHOOLED I ordered deaths against the enemy, my words killing others in numbers I do not like to tally... fighting an enemy who would wipe out a people because of their skin tone, anything to keep the divide and conquer against the oligarchs in place... the sick fucks WHO TRIED to offer me the world in the desert, and I laughed thinking of what a throne means to a soul.... a trip to hell.
Once I criticized my security and made a big deal out of some guy coming to my apartment, and ambushing mary ann and I coming out of our apartment... on line I bitched and complained, and said I wanted hi hut, etc... never thinking anyone would take me seriously. I was pissed that he would not stop and talk to me. That he ran off when I tried to approach him, evoking all kinds of weird scenarios in my mind... when they began to ask me questions, he was brought up... I would have never hurt him, Ever. I tried to scare him. Later I would also try this with the gangs and that was no solution at all.... but still, a warning of sorts. I would do things differently.
I forgive myself for the deaths that where caused when I wrote in ignorance of the power given my words. I do not regret the decisions I made, because I wrote almost nothing that had not been written by my peers, or people in the past. I had started a revolution that was unexpected from the guy who was supposed to play Christ in their dream of taking over the world. When I figured out that sports was being targeted like I had some hatred for people who play sports... was too ridiculous for me to have thought you would have thought it. But the cult that grew around this new religion, which it is coming to be, even if the Catholic Church and others are their shells, saw stopping the carnival to fight, as a target against a specific enemy of concentration, rather than the other two I MENTIONED... BREAD AND CARNIVAL dates back to Rome as a way to dissolve dissent, That was all I meant. Stop these things for awhile and fight. Not harm those who would disagree with me. They got that right, they sure got that right, to quote lynard skynard.
The deaths caused by my comment to the Marines early on, and those later that I wrote in a trance demanded as retribution for something I did not understand....
I needed counsel and for that you need criticism, and while I got this very occasionally, it was not enough to break through the paradigm on which I based my life since childhood. Half the time I could not believe the things that were happening... why I was being asked questions? If the actions needed done, they should have taken them... I think when I contemplate New York, when they tried to evacuate because we were about to bomb the fuck out of them and shit... I sometimes wish you had done these things, though I am glad you did not. That was not God's plan. I did not come here to take over the material world. I told you long ago BURN THE MONEY... and thought
That I could have ran all of this better than the people around me with the right knowledge will never be known, because mistakes were made both by those who believed they knew better than I, and those who believed that I knew everything. The short stories were maybe merely that, or perhaps they were unconscious orders from God, coming thru me before the awakening, as they seem to have done all my life when I was writing. A power some called the muse comes sometimes when you are writing and all effort is given to allowing her to fill you and move your fingers to her words... Mine was God, and the memories of being Jesus Christ, and too many others for your numbers to understand.
I write in this back and forth between voices, I was brainwashed in 07 and the voice of Christ rose in me, and though it was a very back and forth thing, the brain washing caused my world to change forever, as did the fact that I was thrown into the middle of a Intelligence operation way larger than me, in the works for better than sixty years...
LATER WHEN I BECAME MORE SCHOOLED I ordered deaths against the enemy, my words killing others in numbers I do not like to tally... fighting an enemy who would wipe out a people because of their skin tone, anything to keep the divide and conquer against the oligarchs in place... the sick fucks WHO TRIED to offer me the world in the desert, and I laughed thinking of what a throne means to a soul.... a trip to hell.
Comments
Post a Comment