thoughts that have no place in the modern mind, those who are not aware of societies secrets
I am the round peg in a world of squares, and the circles around me pretend to be squares, and by the time I figure out their scam they are in my lives, and manipulating me to help with a particular cause, or fight. Fights I never would have been in had I known more. Keeping intelligence from me, to use me as a fall guy which was a stupid plan, like the CIA comes up with, thinking they can kill all witnesses in the end if they must... so they do what they want. This did not prove true with me, and caused them, and others, to be shot into bloody messes, their armies half destroyed, soldiers buried quietly without gold stars to attest to how many cia died in the fighting.
I made the mistake of thinking I could redeem anyone. I cannot. The latest military tactic I have had to learn, which is sickening and hopefully only applies in the most rare of occasions, is that some are better eliminated before they cause more deaths. I could have done that once. Instead I was driven to increase my power... by a God who had plans, as well as the men behind me who had plans.
The wars I knew of fought in the shadows of the public's perception drive me mad with isolation, a disbelieving public believes nothing done out of their view, kept from being contemplated by constant carnivals in their living rooms, growing larger every day, the virtual world that makes running the country a show they just choose not to watch. Not close enough to see what is not on tv.
I was asked yesterday about why if the most intense fighting I was involved in is over, that I continue to think about this all the time, and I explained that there are people who depend on me to use what power I have to do good, and stop a hideous plan I heard about. I told her that I hated that I became a monster once to fight monsters. I did not know what else to do. I am not sure I do now, though I am wiser in their ways, because of the efforts of those who often died to get me messages... or fired. The entire staff of snl was fired last season, after doing a play on me that helped wake me up to how the public was seeing me, and I had to reclaim my name from whoever was playing this game with peoples minds. I want my name back. I have been vilified, and many think I am responsible for the death of my own soldiers and religious followers -- operation bluebeams Christ was to be my role, in the grand plan granpa came up with for our family to take over the world, with the help of various allies. We believe very different things, however, and I refused to go along.
This destroyed their trillions of dollars fought with, etc... missing from the Pentagon, gone to fight the shadow war. No one cares anymore how much money goes missing from the Pentagon, and what happens to it.
I make too many declarative sentences; I used to try to be vague, wary I was writing didactically, in the way I was trained in various writing programs, up to date. I was.
Now I hate being known at all, and if I did feel I had to, I would drift away into the shadows, recorded only in cia files they will not release in fifty years... they did not with JFK and everyone almost knows they killed him, with the help of others he pissed off.
There was no blood behind my blue eyes when they drafted me, other than in the comical fiction I wrote, and the occasional short story -- though I seldom used violence in my serious stories. How much you knew of me was always a question in my mind; when I found you did not know me at all, I WAS STUNNED. I speak to those who knew of me. Know of me. Hate me, perhaps. The murderer who got off on a technicality, innocence in the eyes of the law, though not justice to many.... especially those who know I will continue fighting until I allow myself to die, because you sure as hell never want to be the cause, unless you re ready for the sacrifice, and to be exploded... I mean exposed, to the world... To those who know me as a holy man you are not wrong, obviously, because I have caused positive changes since being released from the chains around my neck, where I was a dog raised to fight for their amusement, and profit. What you had been told about me were a series of lies, and conjecture by often well meaning people; I simply did not know how fractured you all had become. I certainly would not have driven you to war... knowing what I knew then, though I would have know, because all revolutions begin in death. Sacrificed themselves to declare a war on the world. One the media could not entirely ignore, though they did their best, at first.
Faith has been restored between myself and one ally who never left my side, the one who understood the ignorance that I was kept within, and used as an unwitting ally.... they pulled a con on me, set me up, etc... just could not get me to kill myself so they could call this over, and give their spin on it, and take my name and use it to hide their sins behind. No, that did not get to happen.
Once they thought they had me down, then I came back.... Once again, this happened, and I came back again... and again.... and the lesson you could have learned long ago, when you asked how I could walk around with my chest puffed out like I had won, after the awful things that happened.. and I responded that I am winning as long as I am alive. This is the truth, and now you have begun to understand this to a certain degree,
I made the mistake of thinking I could redeem anyone. I cannot. The latest military tactic I have had to learn, which is sickening and hopefully only applies in the most rare of occasions, is that some are better eliminated before they cause more deaths. I could have done that once. Instead I was driven to increase my power... by a God who had plans, as well as the men behind me who had plans.
The wars I knew of fought in the shadows of the public's perception drive me mad with isolation, a disbelieving public believes nothing done out of their view, kept from being contemplated by constant carnivals in their living rooms, growing larger every day, the virtual world that makes running the country a show they just choose not to watch. Not close enough to see what is not on tv.
I was asked yesterday about why if the most intense fighting I was involved in is over, that I continue to think about this all the time, and I explained that there are people who depend on me to use what power I have to do good, and stop a hideous plan I heard about. I told her that I hated that I became a monster once to fight monsters. I did not know what else to do. I am not sure I do now, though I am wiser in their ways, because of the efforts of those who often died to get me messages... or fired. The entire staff of snl was fired last season, after doing a play on me that helped wake me up to how the public was seeing me, and I had to reclaim my name from whoever was playing this game with peoples minds. I want my name back. I have been vilified, and many think I am responsible for the death of my own soldiers and religious followers -- operation bluebeams Christ was to be my role, in the grand plan granpa came up with for our family to take over the world, with the help of various allies. We believe very different things, however, and I refused to go along.
This destroyed their trillions of dollars fought with, etc... missing from the Pentagon, gone to fight the shadow war. No one cares anymore how much money goes missing from the Pentagon, and what happens to it.
I make too many declarative sentences; I used to try to be vague, wary I was writing didactically, in the way I was trained in various writing programs, up to date. I was.
Now I hate being known at all, and if I did feel I had to, I would drift away into the shadows, recorded only in cia files they will not release in fifty years... they did not with JFK and everyone almost knows they killed him, with the help of others he pissed off.
There was no blood behind my blue eyes when they drafted me, other than in the comical fiction I wrote, and the occasional short story -- though I seldom used violence in my serious stories. How much you knew of me was always a question in my mind; when I found you did not know me at all, I WAS STUNNED. I speak to those who knew of me. Know of me. Hate me, perhaps. The murderer who got off on a technicality, innocence in the eyes of the law, though not justice to many.... especially those who know I will continue fighting until I allow myself to die, because you sure as hell never want to be the cause, unless you re ready for the sacrifice, and to be exploded... I mean exposed, to the world... To those who know me as a holy man you are not wrong, obviously, because I have caused positive changes since being released from the chains around my neck, where I was a dog raised to fight for their amusement, and profit. What you had been told about me were a series of lies, and conjecture by often well meaning people; I simply did not know how fractured you all had become. I certainly would not have driven you to war... knowing what I knew then, though I would have know, because all revolutions begin in death. Sacrificed themselves to declare a war on the world. One the media could not entirely ignore, though they did their best, at first.
Faith has been restored between myself and one ally who never left my side, the one who understood the ignorance that I was kept within, and used as an unwitting ally.... they pulled a con on me, set me up, etc... just could not get me to kill myself so they could call this over, and give their spin on it, and take my name and use it to hide their sins behind. No, that did not get to happen.
Once they thought they had me down, then I came back.... Once again, this happened, and I came back again... and again.... and the lesson you could have learned long ago, when you asked how I could walk around with my chest puffed out like I had won, after the awful things that happened.. and I responded that I am winning as long as I am alive. This is the truth, and now you have begun to understand this to a certain degree,
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